You can't reach your objective without knowing your starting point...

This from a book I'm reading called "Instant Analysis" by David J. Lieberman, Ph.D. An excellent read...

Quote
...You can blame anyone that you want for your life up until now. But where you go from here, who you become, is totally up to you. You can only assign blame to those who are in a position of power. And for the rest of your life, the power is yours, and the responsibility that goes with it. You are now in control and responsible for your own life. Your destination, your destiny, is in your hands...
...You're going to make some changes and set new objectives to make it even more successful. The first thing you may want to do is to take inventory...The good and the bad...
...Acknowledging who and where you are, your strengths as well as your weaknessses, is the beginning of any growth process. You can't change what you refuse to acknowledge even exists...It's the strong who can acknowledge his or her own weaknesses...
...You can't get to point B-your objective-without knowing where you're starting from, point A...
...your physical, spiritual, and psychological starting point...
End Quote

1. The things I like most about myself are...
-my general optimism and friendliness to all those around me, even strangers
-my encouraging personality and comments that people have commented on more than once
-my artistic, especially creative abilities and skills, developed and undeveloped
-my creative, curious mind
-my curiousity that keeps me seeking answers, and reading lots, and striving for better things
-my life away from America, so that I can struggle, and find myself in a relatively "unhindered" environment (it's almost like a young boy's journey through the wilderness alone. If he survives and returns, he is a man, and all those around him know and acknowlege it)
-my health
-my constant striving (even minutely) to improve or learn new things
-my passion and skills, abilities with learning language
-my passion for other cultures, and desire to experience other cultures

2. The things I dislike about myself are...
-my extreme lack of purpose, motivation, vision, drive, whatever
-my apathy
-my laziness
-my tendency to come home from work and flip on the TV and just sit there
-my tendency to come home from work and NOT leave the house again until the next morning
-my tendency to always check on the Internet for any random thing at any random time (no discipline)
-my Internet searches
-my inability to control my students many times
-my inadequacy as an English teacher
-my apathy toward exercise, whether it be running, lifting, taekwondo, whatever
-my desire to stay in my house ALL THE TIME where it's "safe" instead of getting out with other people and doing things, or even out on my own at times
-my LACK OF FOCUS at all times, toward any subject
-my "who cares" attitude when it comes to girls
-my deception (I have no intention to stay in Korea)
-my seeming lack of care for others who are half a world away (I rarely call, email, chat with anyone from America, even my family, or my Japanese brother)

3. My fears are...
-that I will remain apathetic, visionless, purposeless, and my mind, soul, strength, etc will rot away
-that I will never get back to Japan
-that I will never become fluent in Japanese
-that I will never become fluent in Chinese
-that I will never even give Korean a decent chance
-that I will never go to Grad school
-that I will never study robotics in school, or ever become a roboticist
-that my friends in America will forget me, or refuse to acknowledge me
-that my Japanese brother hates me
-that I will forget all those who helped me and loved me before
-that I've already pushed some people who were very dear to me away permanently
-that if I make some terrible choices that I'll never be able to repair a damaged relationship
-that I'll stay in Korea because it's easy, or I'm too lazy to try and go to Japan, or any other reasons
-that if I do go to Japan, it will become the same story there (though I highly doubt it, I AM Japanese at heart, or so I've been told, hahaha)
-that I'll never become a decent English teacher, or be able to control my students, or be able to teach them with efficiency
-that I'll continue to just EXIST, and I won't strive for learning new language, or new skills, or exercise

4. My hopes and dreams are...
-to become fluent in Chinese, Japanese, and Korean (I guess I'll have to give it a chance sometime)
-to become a roboticist someday, and live and work in Japan
-to have homes (or at least to regularly travel) between America, Japan, China, and Korea for business, or simply pleasure
-to EVENTUALLY have a family, but actually, to marry a Japanese, Christian girl
-to be FIT, passionate about my life and purpose, and to learn new skills every day
-to write a novel ANIME STYLE (I've got some ideas)
-to develop my own comic book about my life and adventures
-to continue to develop my own website
-to program robots!!!
-to get a six-pack, and regain a love for running
-to be flexible, be able to do continuous push-ups, pull-ups, sit-ups
-to learn Tai-chi, Taekwondo (MAYBE, though I don't really have a passion for it)
-to learn breakdance, and be able to do at least a few moves, and walk on my hands, and do handstand push-ups at the minimum
-to do that thing Keisuke and Yuki can do (hold in an L, to a handstand)

1. Can I change these things?
-My dislikes about myself -> YES, ALL.
-My fears -> YES, ALL, except what other people may do in response to me

2. Can I respond differently to those things?
-What other people may do in response to me -> I CAN, it will take some thinking about HOW

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Quote
...wake up your mental routine
...shake up your physical routine as well
Rearranging furniture often puts people in a better mood, because...
...changing your furniture temporarily jolts you out of your usual thought patterns...
...this is called a visual trigger...
...Interrupting ordinary patterns of behavior breaks the automation chain and allows for more rapid change in other areas of your life...
End Quote

Everyday pick one item from the following 5 things to SHAKE UP
1. Throughout the day, PAY ATTENTION to one aspect of your physical self.
2. Throughout the day, SLIGHTLY change one ORDINARY behavior.
3. SHAKE UP your environment at work/home. Move around or change things you see everyday.
4. OBSERVE how you do certain tasks, WITHOUT changing them.
5. DO what you don't usually do, and DON'T DO what you usually do. Take small actions that are inconsistent with your usual behaviors.

...this will give a heightened awareness of the unconscious patterns in your daily routine and forge a path toward change in all areas of your life.

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Follow each step and read aloud #5 two times a day, until the behavior is modified (MORE ON THIS LATER, FOR NOW "JUMP START")

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JUMP START

Quote
...You are going to do something that you would do only if you became fed up and were willing to do whatever it takes. That's the feeling you want to generate...
...What you do needs to be drastic in reason, not in action...

1. Every day for a week, wake up at 4:00am and stay up for five minutes while doing something toward achieving your objective.
2. Cancel a date with someone. Say that it's because you're working on your objective.
3. Unplug your phone for a day to work on your objective. Or leave a message on your answering machine and don't pick up the phone.
4. Don't speak to anyone for twenty-four hours. Spend that time thinking about your objective or visualizing your success.
...Or, in my case...
5. Go to a PC bang to do your work, instead of stay at home.
End Quote

That's all for now, about time for my dinner, but I feel a little more content with this progress than I did before. At least now I feel like I'm going somewhere, instead of just spinning my wheels in the mud...