Pictures Posted

I used to post all my pics on Facebook.com because it was convenient.  However, not everyone could view those pics, so I finally found another site that allows public access to all the photos I post.  

Check out: http://picasaweb.google.com/jekkilekki for pics I just posted from Korea and Japan.

i don't know who i want to be anymore...

i dunno who i wanna be anymore. i sometimes get an image in my mind of who i wish i was, but it's never compelling enough or something. i constantly let people walk all over me too. no one ever taught me how to stand up for myself, speak my mind, defend my ideas. i can see how speech, debate, drama, etc, would be a good thing, to help you in some of those ways. most times i just sit back and let things happen, let my life be chosen for me, because that's how i was programmed. everyone always had their own plans for my life, their own ideas, their own goals. everyone always told me what to do, so i did. now that i've lost that direction, i dunno what to do anymore. how do i start my own life?

now there are no parents, no teachers, no coaches, no friends telling me what to do. everyone is just waiting to see what i will do. what a switch that is! i've always had someone else planning things for me, now i have to do it. the only thing planned for me is my teaching schedule. and it's the only thing i'm consistent at. everything i try to plan doesn't happen. maybe because no one's there to encourage me along in it, or just because i know i won't have anyone to answer to except myself. and i'm kind of a push-over really. so answering to myself is more like just being lazy. nothing really happens.

of course i've always got goals. but i let stupid things pile up and get in the way of those. then i get lazy. i sleep 9 hours a night, and still could sleep more (that's from sleeping too much), i let dishes, cleaning, laundry all pile up so that when i come home from work i think "wow, i've got so much work to do, i can't do anything." and then i'm lazy so that even that work never gets done, so that i can never get on to accomplishing any goals.

another thing i noticed is that i really wished that someone were there to encourage me along in things a little more. not that people discourage me, it's just that i'm not incredibly vocal about goals in my life unless other people ask me about them specifically. if i ask someone else about their goals, i'm super supportive of those things and often try to help them find ways to accomplish those goals. but it doesn't really seem that i get much good return for my efforts.

sometimes i really hate being raised in a christian home. not that i hate christianity, i am a christian and still go to church and enjoy it. but in many ways, i feel that i missed lots of lessons that i could have learned. i feel in many ways that the church is raising weak boys. i've always been told to turn the other cheek, to love my neighbor, etc, etc, etc. in so doing, i've never paid attention to my own wants, or desires. i'm supposed to put others before myself, hold others in higher regard than myself. i can't fight, i'm supposed to be politically correct, i'm supposed to respect everyone. well, when is any of that reciprocated? do i get respected? do people treat me the way i want to be treated? do other people follow the golden rule? do other people turn their cheeks?

see, i think part of my laziness and procrastination problem comes from this. by being taught to constantly think less of myself and more of others, i've come to definitely think less of myself. and this is in all things. how can i respect myself if i always "turn the other cheek" and let someone else always have their way? in one part of the bible, jesus tells a parable about a shrewd manager, and says that we should be shrewd as christians, like he was. but seriously, how can anyone be shrewd if we're always taught the "golden rule" and "turn the other cheek"? if we always back off, then we always will back off, at least for a good long time. if we (I) never confront anything, never even argue (good boys and girls shouldn't argue), how will i ever confront anything in life, even my own goals?

seriously, i just dunno anymore. i feel weak. and i feel in many ways that the church made me this way. i don't classify jesus as weak, though in so many of those pictures with lambs and stuff he does look like a push-over, too beautiful to get dirty and all. i just think that modern day christianity doesn't have the stomach for the way things really are in this world. they try to cover their eyes and ears and mouth. see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. and if i can't see it, or hear it, or say it, then i'm in a good way.

i dunno, not that striving for perfection isn't a good thing. sometimes it is, but sometimes there's just far too much emphasis on that perfection and on not making mistakes and on doing everything right, and on making sure everyone else is happy. well, when everyone else is happy, i'm forgetting about me. where does my life come into play? is someone else going to try and make me happy? turn their cheek to me? you've got to be kidding me! who would do such a thing? it's unheard of.

eh, i've done this one to death. i'm tired of thinking.

Bronchitis

Wow. I totally had bronchitis for a while there and didn't even know it. I think I'm through the worst of it now, though still coughing, but I read a lot about it on www.wikipedia.org, and my symptoms, and the events leading up to the bronchitis totally fit the descriptions given there. I had the flu before that (bronchitis often follows flu or cold), then I spent 5 hours in a smoke-filled PC room (smoke helps bring it on), and I inhaled air particles probably contaminated with something (from a humidifier filled with tap water). Wow, I really wish I knew some things BEFORE they happened to me, or I stumbled into them. Well, also according to the website, my cough may last a few months as my lungs and brachit... something repair themselves. Anyway, bronchitis, wow.

Not enough protein

Since I've recently started keeping track of the foods I eat during the day using www.fitday.com (again, I used it before, last year for a while, and lost weight because I was conscious of what I was eating), I realized that I'm not getting a good amount of protein in my day.

My goal is to intake 40% of my calories from carbs, 30% fat, and 30% protein.
However, recently, it's been more like:
Tuesday, 52% carbs, 32% fat, 16% protein.
Wednesday, 47% carbs, 36% fat, 17% protein.
Thursday, 50% carbs, 34% fat, 16% protein.
Friday, 45% carbs, 36% fat, 15% protein.

This isn't to say that I eat completely unhealthily, just that protein is needed to build and maintain muscle, and that without a sufficient amount of protein intake, I'm not really helping myself out as best I could, especially with the marathon training I'm starting to do. So, even with all the training, working out I could do, it'll take longer to get leaner if I don't eat enough protein. Obviously the carbs intake is a lot higher than I'd like as well, but I hate low carb diets that erase carbs completely, because carbs are where you get longer lasting energy. Part of the reason my carbs intake is higher is because we eat so much rice over here. Somehow, I've got to put more protein into my diet. Luckily I have some whey protein powder, but even drinking one or two helpings of that per day might not help out as much as I hope, unless I change some part of my diet as it is.

I did just get three "Abs Diet" books in the mail yesterday that talk about the 40/30/30 ratio for calorie intake, and gives some good strategies to meet that goal. So, I guess I'll get to work on trying to figure that out, try to take care of my dishes and all, as well as try to learn some more good cooking recipes. And maybe in a few months, have a nice six-pack, hahaha.

Ugly Koreans, Ugly Americans

Today at Kyobo books I picked up a book called "Ugly Koreans, Ugly Americans" about cultural differences that people from the opposite culture often find annoying or frustrating. Following, is the list, and I must say, I agree with nearly all of it, including a lot about American culture that I'm sure is frustrating. In fact, that's all I'll type for now. Perhaps later I'll do the Ugly Koreans part, but for now, just getting a different perspective on America is enough (most of these things are considered rude in other countries):

UGLY AMERICANS...
...beckon people with an index finger.
...use an index finger to point at someone.
..."steal" a child's nose putting a thumb between first and second finger. (In Korea, this is like giving someone the middle finger)
...shake hands too firmly.
...smoke in front of elders.
...use one hand to give or receive something from elders. (should use two hands)
...wave instead of bow to person of higher status.
...keep hands in pockets while speaking.
...use too much eye contact during conversations.
...chew gum in social situations. (actually, some of my Korean friends chewed gum with me recently, and they chewed LOUDLY, with mouths open the whole time. Just "smack, smacking" all the time, and that was pretty annoying. I thought they didn't know how to chew with their mouths closed, hahahaha)
...kiss in public.
...wear shoes inside the home. (shoes are dirty and outside things)
...listen to loud music, esp in cars.
...call people (elders) by first names.
...praise family members in public.
...look upon all Asians as being from the same race. ("Say, you look Chinese. Are you Chinese?")
...blow noses loudly in public.
...joke about sexual stuffs in public.
...are too sensitive about people cutting in line.
...watch a sports match or jog shirtless.
...wear sports shoes with a suit. (A little strange, I admit)
...adolescent girls wear make-up. (I think that's stupid)
...middle-aged and older people wear loud colors and "youthful" styles. (actually, I love this part)
...sit with legs crossed in front of superior.
...put feet on a desk or chair in the office.
...don't stand up when a superior enters the office.
...toss items on desk of superior.
...say "uh-huh" when superior is speaking.
...cross arms when talking.
...sit on table or desk when lecturing.
...hold pen or pencil in mouths.
...aren't patient when waiting for someone.
...speak directly or aggressively.
...when receiving a business card, don't really look at it, just put it in their pocket. (In Asia, at least Japan and Korea, a business card is like an extension of a person or his business. They put a lot of emphasis on the look and design of their cards, and you are expected to receive them with two hands, and then at least look at them for a few seconds, observe them, get a good feel for them, and possibly comment about them (almost as if you're carefully observing the person who is giving the card). Then, you can leave the card on the business table in front of you (politely, not playing with it) until your business is concluded, at which point you can pick it up and take it with you)
...complain directly to superiors.
...say "Korean time" to describe being late. (I used to say "Chinese time" hahahaha, ooops)
...write a person's name in red. (This means that either the person will die, or their mother will die shortly, I forget who)
...don't do anything for free. (yeah, pretty freaking annoying I think, but who wants to do something for free? No one does anything for ME for free. Oh wait, no AMERICANS do)
...joke around a lot while working. (ooops, hahaha)
...strictly separate work time and private time. (actually, I like this, I HATE sudden changes in work schedules, or work that carries over into my time)
...take legal action instead of trying to solve things on a personal level. (yeah, pretty freaking ridiculous, I prefer relationships and solving things on a personal level without involving the authorities)
...express trivial complaints in writing. (friggin' ridiculous. Americans complain too much, about too small and stupid of things)
...stick silverware straight up in bowls of rice. (They, at least Japanese, do this at funerals, and for dead people. Also, Japanese pass the bones of dead people from chopstick to chopstick, so NEVER pass food chopstick to chopstick, because it is just like that)
...aren't willing to try new foods. (yeah, also stupid. You're in another country, and culture, don't be an idiot.)
...never buy dinner in return. (actually, I buy dinner whenever they let me, but often they insist on buying for me. Korean people like to buy dinner for a guest, so as long as I'm a guest (a first-time guest at least) they like to buy for me. But, if I'm out with a bunch of my friends, I like to buy dinner, or be generous, just because I make a lot of money, and I'm not shy about spending it on worthwhile things like my friends.)
...take "no!" as "no!" when eating. (I dunno what this means)
...lick fingers while eating.
...eat anywhere they happen to be.
...fill up someone's glass before it's completely empty.
...don't pour drinks for anyone else. (In Korea, you are supposed to never fill your own drink, instead fill the other people's drinks. After you've filled theirs, they fill yours, and you fill after the drinks are empty (if there's still something in them, it implies they're not yet finished, and don't want more). Also, you're supposed to use two hands when pouring for people of higher status.
...begin drinking as soon as their glass is filled. (should wait for the "cheers")
...talk too much while eating.
...don't offer to share foods. (I love sharing foods, I hate just eating ONE thing the whole meal esp. if there are other options available)
...use sarcasm. (as much as I like it, I admit, some Americans are WAY too sarcastic. It gets annoying!)
...tease others. (I love teasing others, as long as I'm doing it in a gentle and kind way, I love it)
...flirt overtly. (actually, this reverts back to the teasing thing, and I like it, though I try not to be too over-the-top with it)
...brag about themselves. (I try not to talk about myself, but ask other people about themselves, although it's not always like that, I try)
...speak English too quickly or overuse slang. (this even gets on MY nerves! Some people speak to foreigners as if they were native English speakers and had grown up with the slang and culture for years. I constantly have to explain things in simpler meanings if I'm with a "slang-speaker." Even I get tired of too much slang.)
...challenge another person's opinion.
...use loud voices, big gestures, and exaggerated expressions.
...call a Korean woman's name by her husband's name. (same with Chinese people, the woman keeps her name, the children take the husband's name)
...go Dutch. (actually the younger generation often suggests this to me when I'm out with them)
...are too sensitive about mentioning their age. (this is the only way Koreans know how to properly address someone. You can only be "friends" if you are the SAME age. Younger, and you become "younger brother" or "younger sister." Older, and you are "older brother" or "older sister." So, the first question many Koreans ask is your age.)
...won't wait for the "walk" sign at intersections.
...demand discounts on merchandise at every store.
...think it is sometimes alright to ignore local traffic laws.
...say that Seoul is especially dirty. (actually, Seoul is really a beautiful city. Beijing was more smoggy and polluted, though still nice)
...don't try to learn Korean and expect Koreans to learn English. (actually, I know one guy who has lived in Korea for 4 years and still can't even read. I find this quite embarrassing. At least learn to read. If you can read, then you can pick up at least a LITTLE Korean language just through reading. I learned to read mostly before I came in University, and it only took a short refresher (2 hours) to remember it all. Korean Hangeul is probably the most brilliant written language on the face of the planet. It would take little more than one day to learn it all and be able to start using it (although practice is required to get fast). But, seriously, at least learn to read after living here for 4 years!)
...walk on a "yo". (Korean mattress bed, can be folded up. Similar to Japan)
...send their elderly parents to a nursing home.
...think they are the best simply because they are from the United States. (Yeah, no crap. Seriously, when I talk about America, and Americans and their attitudes, esp towards international people and cultures, I find there is often no better word to describe US than "arrogant." If anyone ever asks me about Americans, or America, or Americans traveling abroad, I find I constantly have to refer to them (ME) as arrogant to adequately describe the situations. Of course, since we come from the biggest power on the planet, it's no wonder we've got a high opinion of ourselves. But seriously, sometimes Americans just complain about the stupidest, smallest inconveniences. Nobody said life was fair, get over yourself.)

All about Korea

This is something I read from a travel blog (http://realtravel.com/daejeon-journals-j600434.html) that is a perfect analysis of the way things are here in Korea. It's an excellent read, and everything contained within is exactly what so many foreigners notice and experience when they come here. These words aren't mine, but they very accurately describe everything I've felt about Korea.



The day has finally come. I finished my contract in Korea, met my family and said goodbye. It was a lot harder to say goodbye to Korea than I ever thought it would be. I complained a lot, but it holds a special place in my heart. To sum up my take on Korea and its people I will use an example of a typical day of driving in Korea.

I did not think of this idea all on my own. I was inspired by an author named Michael Breen. His theory goes that any observer can summarize the main features of a country's culture, politics and people, by driving on the roads for 30 minutes. So, for example if I were to drive to the Korean version of Wal-mart called Emart, this is what I would see.

The first thing that is noticeable about driving on Korean roads is that a large majority of the cars are new and Korean-made. Hardly anyone, except for me, drives pieces of junk older than 5 years old. Plus they are all shiny and well taken care of. This shows how Koreans present themselves: if you look like you are good than you must be. (Everything is taken at face value.) Koreans are pretty superficial. People can be hired or fired based purely on looks. It wouldn't be out of the ordinary to hear that you aren't attractive enough to be hired or that you should have plastic surgery before we can hire you. Also, this phenomenon shows how everyone wants to be like the rest of the population. (Keeping up with the Jones's.) If your neighbor has a shiny new car then you can't be outdone, so you will do anything possible to get the same or better shiny new car. Plus it has to be Korean made to support all of your country men. Rarely do people drive import cars because the taxes are exorbitant on them.

After reaching the first major intersection, your life will have passed before your eyes twice. But after driving for another couple of days this death-flashing phenomenon will pass and it will all just be run of the mill driving. Basically the rule of the road is chaos. There are no rules and that is what works best. Simply think about your safety and keep driving full speed ahead. This is how the country is motivated. Progress is the only focus of everything. The goal is to accomplish everything possible and not think about the consequences behind or to the sides of you. I have heard that in the driver's license test if you look in your mirrors or in your blind spots you fail the test.

I had to take a test with all the Koreans to receive my Korean driver's license. They gave me a book (in Konglish -> mostly English but with funny spellings based off of Korean) about 100 pages long with all the rules similar to home. It was hilarious to read because every rule written I had witnessed being broken at least once. So I studied my little book and tried to memorize the legal height one can pack things onto the back of a scooter and other such ridiculous rules.

However, at the testing facility all the Koreans were studying the test. You could purchase the test early and answer all the questions using a book and then memorize the test. This is exactly the way the middle schoolers study for their tests. For the exams students would come to our academy where we had the tests printed out and then memorize the answers we told them. Luckily this was all done with the Korean teachers because I found it outrageous. I don't understand how an entire country can be taught everything by simple memorization. Nothing involves thinking, just finding ways to pass a test. Again the same idea is present: mind the task ahead, blinders to the side, and finish fastest.

After driving on the road for about 10 minutes you will see a traffic accident. Because Korea is the 10th most densely populated country in the world, there are a lot of people, cars and scooters to run into. People get along best with all the strangers by simply ignoring them. No one else is there so it is possible to do whatever you want. If traffic has 5 lanes and you are in the far left lane, it is not uncommon to watch someone from the extreme right lane cross the other 4 and cut you off. However, the most annoying thing about an accident is that people simply leave their car wherever it stops. If two cars have a head on collision in the middle of the intersection, they leave the cars where they crashed and all the debris laying around. They have to take pictures and argue about whose fault it is. It basically means a mess for traffic.

Because of construction, accidents and simply heavy traffic many people drive scooters. These allow people to zig and zag through the traffic easier. Even though it is more difficult for cars to cut to the front it is possible. If there is a white line (cross walk) for where the traffic should stop for a red light, most people stop there. However, 2 or 3 people at least will pull up in front of the line of
cars (after there's already a line) and wait past the line. This is so typical of Korean mentality. Why wait? If there is a way to cut to the front, do it. This is typically done by asking your network of people to help out.

Professional drivers, taxis, are the most lawless. Even though they are low on the totem pole of success, they rule on the streets. They are similar to the politicians. According to Confucianism, the legal tradition developed for the benefit of assisting the ruler in the endeavor of leading by moral example. Koreans see law as something given from above, not created by the people. Koreans' mindset hasn't changed with democracy to figure out that the laws are created after debate by people who are elected. Laws don't govern life as much as relations between people do. Laws are simply a last resort. That is why networking is vital and people rely on family, alumni and hometown friends. Even politicians cut to the front of the line to pass laws for friends to receive something in return. This sounds strikingly similar to some circumstances involving the war in Iraq and Cheney. However in Korea it is simply understood that it will happen and something that has to be covered up.

Now arriving at Emart it would be necessary to park in the parking structure. The funniest thing is the people that flag you into the structure. There is usually one person in the road, one on a circular platform under an umbrella and one inside the structure flagging you in. Now this is not a simple wave, it is an elaborate dance that I think involves training in an after school academy. If I had all the time in the world and the patience to drive forever, I would pull in and out of these parking garages just to watch these people flag me in again. I tried to record it, but it didn't do it justice. Just take my word for it.

So on our trip we would have seen the patriotic, chaotic, persistent, determined, superficial, lawlessness and pure entertainment about the Koreans. Even though these things all sound bad it is all just misunderstood. They are different from me and every way that I grew up, but still fun to observe on the streets. The way they are demonstrates what they have gone through in their history and where they are trying to go.

Some people when driving get road rage; I would just have fits of laughter. It is inconceivable what they can do in the streets and still have so many people living.
It is also inconceivable to me to think about how much they have done in the past 50 years. I will always follow what is happening in Korea, because the next 50 years could bring even more changes to these people. I just hope it is for the best for them. I am sure though they will plow ahead as fast as possible passing the tests any way possible and wearing their blinders.

My students

So, I started to get really frustrated with yelling "Hey you!" in classes to try and get the kids to listen to me, so I decided to take one week (last week) to record ALL my students names from every class, at ONE of my three schools, so that I could try to learn their names, and be able to yell at specific kids instead of just "Hey you!" Following, is a typed list of all these kids (plus doing this REALLY helped me learn the layout of the Korean keyboard. Now I can type Korean without looking down every time I try to find the right letter. Still not as fast as English, but not far off):

M, T, W 9:50am Special class
김진석 - decent, playful b
이은찬 - TROUBLE b
준호 - cute, biter, b
이동건 - teeth/eyes b
김면준 - trouble 2 b
오유만 - window b
김정호 - b/y stripes b
김지우 - head band g
박하은 - new g
안소연 - cute g
고연주 - small, curly hair g

M, W 9:55am
이윤상 - little mischief b
유지훈 - THE kid, ad lib b
정영진 - fragile b
정현민 - little trouble, teeth b
장원준 - green b
윤선재 - perm b
최형준 - Beckham hair b
마윤민 - teeth b
이현정 - pigtails g
정승아 - cute g
채헤연 - pink, mushroom hair g
김예은 - cute, giggly g
김서현 - new g
김한희 - cute, one pigtail g
조유즤 - eyes g

M 10:20am
오명주 - sp class b
김자현 - cute, little g
김현민 - b
도민혁 - rambunctious b
임주연 - (playful feet) g
서준 - shy b
이예은 - cute, eyes, face g
서상진 - cute b
오창현 - military cut b
------------
방형원 - shy b
김긴기 - green coat b
신하경 - cute little g
강현명 - perm b
최세웅 - LOOKS like trouble maker (not) b
이도윤 - cute, little, little g
김수성 - looks balding b

M, T 10:45am
이소한 - cute playful g
유신영 - eyes g
오호영 - teeth g
신하현 - cute g
박소윤 - serious g
김예솔 - absent
박주혁 - cute glasses b
기도현 - Bootanka
송재민 - rambunctious b
오재성 - cry glasses b
윤대회 - facial expression, teeth b

M, T 11:10am
박준우 - trouble A LOT b
최지민 - twin trouble b
최지우 - other twin b
이식 (이세현) - cook's son, trouble b
최일규 - quiet b
이건은 - little cute b
한창희 - fun kid b
황예림 - not happy g
이조은 - cute, photo g
조수빈 - Santa Claus g
이난희 - glasses cute g
오소경 - SMART reader g
이자영 - chubby g

M, T 11:35am
심지수 - glasses, sad g
박도연 - pee girl
이윤서 - cute and playful g
장준희 - cute, pink, talkative g
이현지 - cute and SMART g
최진선 - glasses g
전강현 - small, cute b
임재민 - Spiderman b
최민준 - Spiderman's friend b
황희원 - cute, rambunctious b
최건 - badish b
김도헌 - perm bad b

M,T,W 1:50pm Special
박기완 - cute b I played w
최진혁 - smart, active b
유지훈 - ad lib b
장원준 - green coat b
한정우 -quiet, good b
정승아 - CUTE g
박병근 - plaid coat, crazy b
김민석 - perm b
최하늘 - cute, quiet g
이한영 - chubby b
김넉준 - trouble b

M, T, W 2:20pm Special
지원 - older, bigger b
소희 - cute, chubby g
도연 - food g
대환 - cute, small b
윤서 - cute, quiet g
정민 - teeth, chubby b
이삭 - cook's b
김도헌 - perm trouble b
강재욱 - small, smily b

T 9:55am
신송이 - cute, small g
정민 - smart g
조수민 - eyes, curly hair g
서하나 - cute, pigtails, playful g
양진영 - plaid today, big head b
박민준 - "panties" b
김 윤상 - small, black and eyes b
최호운 - green, chubby b
장현민 - special class trouble b
한정우 - cute kid, smily b
최대규 - ET-like head b
이한설 - small, small, b
박동혁 - rambunctious b

T 10:20am
이은민 - eyes, chubby g
김연주 - special class g
이은컴 - small, rambunctious g
이윤재 - pumpkin face, smily g
여우철 - glasses b
김도환 - bed head hair b
김도연 - cute, playful b
정승원 - round head, buzz cut b

W 10:20am
연희 - of course 연희
경서 - happy g
재륜 - shy, quiet g
선혁 - trouble b
두환 - mullet b
민성 - quiet, nice b
건영 - round head, eyes b
대운 - grown look b
진태 - head gear b
환석 - teeth b

W 10:45am
전나래 - chubby, glasses g
정연주 - bad teeth g
이지원 - cute, dyed hair g
강민해 - teeth, biter g
김하늘 - cute, eyes g
백주희 - leg braces, sp class g
김성훈 - perm, cute b
양해민 - looks like Tom b
김건호 - trouble, sp class b
유명환 - bigger, and eyes b
양지성 - smallest, round head b

W 11:10am (worst class of the week)
김주연 - pigtails g
현성희 - small, one tail g
임현희 - eyes g
박건하 - perm BIG trouble b
방지원 - special class, bigger
김도영 - eyes, teeth, trouble
이다혁 - good kid b
긴정환 - bad, bad, bad, trouble, rambunctious b


Well, that's everyone from the morning, for three days of the week. I also have 2-3 more special classes that happen on Thursday and Friday, as well as 3 classes I see every day for the after school elementary program (I know the names of all the kids in 2 of those classes because I teach them regularly, but the other 10 kids in the third class I only know 3 names). And on Thursday, I have 5 different story time classes with between 7 and 15 kids in each class. And on Friday, I go to another different school for 6 classes with between 15 and 25 kids in each class. Needless to say, I don't know even SOME of those names. I only see the Thursday/Friday kids for 20 minutes each week, and the whole time I'm teaching, not taking or learning names.

Now, adding that all up, I've got about 150 students JUST mornings, M, T, W. Include the extra 30 kids from the after school program each day of the week. Then add in the additional perhaps 20 kids I missed from the Thursday and Friday special classes, and we've got about 200 kids so far, just for M, T, W. Thursday's kids are approximately 5 * 10 = 50 extra. And Friday's kids are approximately 6 * 20 = 120 extra. Putting that ALL together, that's almost 370 kids each week, and taking away a few that I may have counted twice, and giving room for error, I see AT LEAST 350 DIFFERENT kids every week. Holy crap!

Well, I suppose it's a good thing that I FINALLY started to learn some names. Unfortunately, my boss just hired two new teachers who will take my place at at least 2 of these schools coming next month. It's not that I really mind that so much, but it's just seems like I've almost wasted my effort last week to record so many names when I won't be using any of those after February.

It seems like my boss is going to be putting me back into the University when that all starts up again, esp. since that is what my contract says specifically, however, after teaching solely kindergarten for the last 3 months, it really isn't so bad. Some of the kids are esp. troublesome, but at the end of the day, they are just kids. Anyway, I HOPE when my boss does put me back into the University that he won't give me a CRAPPY split shift again like last semester. Where I work a few hours EARLY in the morning, and then have a 4 hour break or so, and then work a few hours LATER in the evening.

I do like University classes because the people there WANT to be there, and are much more disciplined than the kids (and they just skip if they don't want to be there). But, I also like kindergarten, even if it is more challenging, just because it stretches me more, and makes me be creative, energetic, and like a kid, even on the spur of the moment. So, I at least hope that I don't lose my Friday school, I think I'm the only English teacher there, and that's where I REALLY shine!

The other schools have a multimedia format and computer discs, and story books with really only one way to teach them, so my creativity in those schools is limited by the material. However, every time I go to the other school, on Friday, I walk in with NO idea of what I'm going to do, and each week it is a different story and a different song. And I have to stretch my creativity to make both things equally interesting and entertaining for the kids, and they love it. The first class or two, I get used to the story and the song, and develop a style for the rest. The 3rd class is the youngest (3-4 years old American age, 5 Korean age) so I have to be more active there and simplify a lot, or I just lose the kids. After that, the next two classes don't have working CD players so I have to acappella the songs and I can add my own little "twists" such as speeding up or slowing down dramatically (and the kids LOVE faster and faster singing and actions). And by the time I hit the last class, I've already had a great day, so the last one is my best and most fun class.

Seriously, every time I finish the job there, even if I'm tired, or sick when I walk in, I feel like a million bucks when I walk out. So, if nothing else, I hope that I keep that school.

Realization

I've recently come to the realization that I desperately need to plan my evening meal BEFORE evening these days. Especially with my new running program. After work, I run. After I run, I'm hungry. But the past two days, I've not done anything after the run, except write in my Marathon journal, and shower. When it comes to getting food together, half the time I don't know what I want, then I don't know what I HAVE that I could do, and I don't know what's CLEAN to cook in, and I don't know how long any given thing will take to make. I DO have a KIND of menu, and some recipes that I can bust out, but especially after the run, I'm just not in the mood to cook anything big. I'd rather just come home to something that's already hot, or really easy to just nuke in the microwave. So, I'm gonna have to plan something one of these days. I just watch too much TV. It's also what's distracted me from this entry for the last 30 minutes or so. But Bill O'Rielly on Oprah was interesting, and I really respect that guy's opinion. He's one of the few in this country who talks some sense, and isn't necessarily "PC." I hate PC.

Oh, and one more thing. Domino's Western Combi Pizza in Korea sucks! The crust is awesome, but instead of tomato sauce, it's like a nacho cheese sauce, GROSS!

Learned behavior, changed attitude...

Something I read recently was about changing behaviors. It said something along the lines of, people think that behaviors are representative of attitudes. Like the attitude (rudeness, pessimism, optimism, love, focus) comes first, and the attitude dictates or creates the behavior that follows. However, what I read says that actually behaviors come first and we simply use attitudes to justify pre-existing behaviors. For example, a behavior of throwing your clothes on the floor after work is justified by the attitude of laziness. Laziness didn't come first, the behavior did, but the attitude justifies the behavior and in so doing, reinforces it.

Most people think that in order to change a behavior, you must change the attitude first. But IF attitude is only there to justify pre-existing behaviors, then attempting to change attitude first, and change behavior once the attitude is changed, is like treating the symptoms of a disease and not the disease itself.

How many times have you tried to change your attitude before changing your behavior in some way, only to be unable to change either? I've tried many times to change my attitude (laziness) first, so that my behavior would change in turn (and I would somehow become motivated). However, each and every time, the attitude creeps back in just as I'm trying to change it, and before I have any new behaviors in place to solidify NEW attitudes (motivation). However, what I was reading said that you must change your behavior FIRST and the attitude will follow.

For example, laziness again, let's say that I'm "lazy" and that I routinely throw my clothes on the floor, or don't clean, or don't do my dishes. I used to try to correct the attitude first, so I would try to motivate myself somehow, and that never worked, I never gained the appropriate motivation to get the things done. However, IF I would instead "JUST DO IT" and do the dishes, or hang up the clothes, and force myself into the new behavior without trying to change my attitude, and if I routinely forced myself into the behavior, then the attitude would eventually change, and the old behavior would be lost, because my new attitude about my new behavior would be too strong, and I would have essentially reinvented myself.

It seems to me that things like that routinely happen. For example, how does a pessimist become a pessimist? His attitude is not in place first to justify his behavior of anger toward things and people that he doesn't like. Rather, his behavior comes first. He routinely dwells on bad situations and things, and gets angry, and regrets. Behavior first. Over time, the anger comes faster and easier, (a learned behavior to a certain stimulus) and he uses his attitude (pessimism) to justify his behavior (anger). So, in order to change that, the behavior must be undone first, or a new behavior must come in to take the place of the old behavior, and ONLY THEN can the attitude (pessimism) be changed (to optimism) to justify the NEW, LEARNED behavior.

It seems to me, after all, that all behaviors, and habits are learned, and after thinking about it for some time, it does seem to me that attitudes justify behaviors or habits, and do come after the behavior is learned and firmly established.

Stop trying to change your attitude first. You want to be a different person? Change your behavior first, the attitude will follow. Stop treating the symptoms, and not the disease.

Pre Marathon Training

So, I've decided to at least give things a go with the whole marathon thing. The actual race I would try to run happens June 3 on Jeju Island. I've never been there, and really would like to go because I hear it's a must-see in Korea, at least before I end my contract. AND, if I'm lucky, I'll be able to convince a few of my Korean lady friends to come down and watch me and cheer me on! How sweet would that be? To have people screaming for me as I cross the finish line, hahaha, just like old Track/X-C races.

Anyway, I've been reading my "Non-Marathoner's Training Manual" a lot lately, and some of what it talked about was polypropelene shirts (that take the water away from your body, esp. in winter to keep sweat from forming on your body), so I decided to go out and see if I couldn't grab myself a few of those. Well, I just so happened to stop by E-mart on a big sale day, esp. of things like this, so I picked up 2 of these shirts for $10 each (normal price in Korea on these particular shirts was $60) and I got another (with a little more color and character) for $28. In addition to this, I picked up some new running socks, that are really thick, and feel awesome on my feet. (Actually, running around Korea kind of sucks, because they make you take your shoes off at the entrance to anything, and so you are left wandering around in your socks. So far, I've ruined countless numbers (well, 10 maybe) but I still don't like buying new socks as often as I have to.) And, on top of that I got some sweet dark black corduroy pants for $5! Awesome, I've been looking for black, although I was hoping for jeans, but cords will do well enough I suppose.

Anyway, after all that, I was getting pretty excited for my running training to begin. (This time it MUST be all for fun, and I can't be as competitive with myself as I normally am, or I will just quit it again.) This weekend (using GoogleEarth) I traced a map of Jeonju and the major streets I will probably run along, as well as major destinations I'll head toward, and I used the GoogleEarth scale to estimate distances around town so that I can actually use the map, and the training schedule to adequately prepare for the marathon.

And actually, I am quite happy that I found this book, and the Jeju Island marathon (the entire course of it is along the coast. How cool is that!) Anyway, I am definitely looking forward to the next few weeks and months. I do still have a long time left in Korea, but this will help the time to fly much faster.

The only thing now, is I have to remember to do my online class, and I'd really like to continue studying languages. I just need to make a pattern or something so that the language learning can be structured and organized, and it also needs to be fun, or I won't do it either.

And I need to kill my TV, literally. It does have some good things on it, and there are some good times to watch it, but it does keep me from doing things that I should be doing, and the things I should be doing that I actually do, I don't do in a timely manner. Thanks to the TV, even the simplest task can become 3 times longer than necessary. However, last week, during my short breaks of 30 minutes between classes I did read (which was fun and encouraging to me, because I felt like I was accomplishing something worth while) and I ended up finishing two books last week, so it was nice.

That's all for now I suppose. Except for the fact that I've not posted in so long because I've not been to a PC room for well over a week, ever since my tonsil (right) got swollen (I think from the cigarette smoke) after 5 hours there last week. And therefore, I've not done any more of my online class either, and I've not done many more Internet things (including send in a resume for a job in Japan in Sept) that I've been meaning to do recently. And, back to the TV thing, my room's a mess, I've not cleaned it in well over a week, and just kind of let things pile up.

Ah, check out my marathon training blog at http://jmarathon.blogspot.com. I'll post to that after every time I run (and eventually record my distances and all) just to keep track of my progress. Out!