Am I depressed? I dunno, sometimes I'd say definitely, but tonight I saw "Oprah" that had some crazy doctor on it who said to someone else (not me) "You're not depressed...you're just bored...you have too much time on your hands" and it got me thinking. Am I just too bored? I'd say "Yes."
There are sometimes when I'm highly motivated, say, most recently, when I'm preparing meals for myself. I've really been enjoying blending smoothies and cooking on a more regular basis. However, I'm still not so great at cleaning up immediately afterwards (except the blender). And when dishes pile up, I slack off in every other regard, and dump clothes everywhere, or whatever.
I recently joined a gym as well, and should be able to do a workout every weekday during lunch, so long as lunch and smoothie snack are planned and figured out in advance. I've been sick for so long, and coughing (respiratory infection) that I haven't been running like I'd planned to. Now that I've got a new schedule, and slightly more motivation in some ways, I'd like to start that up again too, and just live a super healthy and motivated life. However the TV seems to be draining the motivation, leaving me lazy, and making me bored.
However, the TV is also nice for other reasons. For example, I learn SOME Korean, small bits here and there from the TV. I also stay more current on Korean culture and trends (that I can then use or talk about in classes). And the TV also keeps me from being too lonely (after all, I live completely alone here). I do have friends, but friends can't be around all the time. Anyway, I dunno. I have a feeling I should just unplug the TV, at least for a while, but then I think I'd just be MORE bored. There are times between classes when I come home and can't do anything except prepare a meal and eat before I'm off to the next class (speaking of which, I'm teaching at 6 schools now, and have one extra (should have been cancelled class after my lunch hour) which makes a noon gym run more difficult), and I just don't know what I would do with that time if not for the TV. I couldn't read, music might work SOME, but sometimes it's only for a few minutes, and it's also nice to FEEL like there are other people nearby. I used to be so social, these days, I watch it on TV. I think I should stop, and do something else, but what motivation can I find in other things? I dunno. I used to try harder when someone was pushing me to do well, or do something specific, but these days, no one challenges me but myself. And it's alot harder for me to challenge myself and do things alone.
Maybe I am bored, and not depressed. But alone is just so boring.
Mar 22, 2007
Mar 19, 2007
Japan again and my new semester in Korea
***CAUTION***
This is INCREDIBLY LONG. Four pages in Word, single spaced. You are warned.
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So, I just watched a show on Discovery Channel about a guy and his exploration into Japan and Japanese culture, and as I was watching I had amazing memories of visiting the same places and doing many of the same things that he did. And while the guy in the show constantly complained and commented that "I just don't get it, I don't think I'll ever understand Japan" my thoughts about the same things were "wow, I LOVE that, that's amazing, maybe I don't get it, but that's why I find it absolutely fascinating, that's why I love it."
Perhaps needless to say, but my time in Japan was the most memorable, fascinating, amazing, even healthy and restful time I've ever had in my life. Perhaps that's only because I was so lazy there, and not working, but I can't help the effect Japan has had on me and continues to have on me.
Also needless to say, the time I've spent in Korea wasn't nearly as wonderful as promised. Korea has definitely been an amazing experience, and under different circumstances, I would have to say that this could have been my favorite country. It has amazing food, amazing people, amazing culture and customs, and not least of all amazing women. The girls here have the most beautiful hair of any other Asian country I've ever seen. You could take a really ugly girl and she'd still have amazingly sexy hair. That makes the really great looking girls (and there are a lot) even better. However, there are still a few things about Korea that continually put me off, and in many ways it probably all hinges on my current situation.
Perhaps I should start at...the beginning of the story...before I tell...the rest of the story.
When I went to Japan the first time, I had a few motivations to go there. For one, my best friend offered me a free place to stay for three months, how could I refuse? For two, I had just graduated from university (after 6 years) and needed a vacation. Three, I was definitely planning on looking for a job in Asia (unknown to my parents at the time) and although at that point I had not completely made up my mind as to where to go, my friend and I had talked extensively about teaching in Japan, which was in big part because of reason four, that I'd ALWAYS wanted to go to Japan and live there for 3 years or more. (Of course, my decision to teach in Japan wasn't FOR SURE at this point for two reasons (a) I wasn't completely sure I HAD graduated and therefore COULD apply for a job, and (b) because this whole thing seemed in many ways more like my friend's "baby" and not so much like me making my own decisions in life). And this brings us to reason five, a girl, 'nuff said.
Over the course of my time in Japan, in addition to the amazing time that I had, I started to get a few hints that maybe I shouldn't stay, weigh those as you will. In order of events, first, a Korean girl I know called me at my friend's house in Japan in the middle of a particularly difficult week of homesickness, and that first got me thinking about Korea. Later, I called my parents, and their words strongly influenced the final decision. Eventually, I went traveling in Japan, away from my best friend's house (up to this point he and his family had strongly encouraged me to get a job in Japan, much as my own family had strongly encouraged me NOT to, and my Japan job seemed more like their wish for me than my own (I was just feeling pressured on all sides, and needed a break from it all to really figure things out)). And of course, the girl (who I did meet later in my travels) was more interested in her career path in Japan than in giving anything else a chance, so eventually, with a number of things piling up, I made the decision to come to Korea.
A few of the reasons for coming to Korea, my own and my parents, include: (1) I'd never been to Korea, but had been to China and Japan, I thought I should round out my Asian experience with at least one trip to Korea (plus I had lots of friends here that I've not seen in years). (2) Korea is a more Christian nation (although true, and incredibly easy to find a church, I found that once I actually got OUT in Japan and to some bigger cities it was still quite easy to find a church, plus, this Christianity also makes Korea far more conservative, something I like sometimes and hate other times). (3) Korea pays better (pay is actually the same, but cost of living in Japan is much higher and I don't pay rent for an apartment in Korea) (4) The job offers I had in Japan started sooner than I (a) wanted and (b) thought I could handle (for one thing, my degree was needed for a teaching visa, and my school is nearly as lazy as me, not printing or shipping degrees until July. The job in Korea started in late July, giving just enough time to get the degree, and a teaching visa to teach legally in the country as opposed to a tourist visa (which I would have been doing for a while in Japan, IF the companies were even still interested in hiring me without a degree in hand). And of course (5) there was now no good (romantic) reason tying me to or keeping me in Japan.
After 6 months in Korea, there are now no longer that many good reasons (romantic or not) tying me here, and more and more things are encouraging me to return to Japan (consider the way something sparks inside me everytime I hear Japanese, see Japan, talk to a Japanese person (met one guy here who is Japanese-Korean, and he is easily my favorite guy around, I still really think Japanese people are great, very interesting, and quite kind and fun), or remember Japan, and consider as well my long term goals of robotics (seems Japan is leading in that field, or at least is dealing with the kinds of things I am highly interested in, such as having cute, or humanoid robots as interactive "helpers" for people in normal life, whereas so many others concentrate on the more static, mechanical "what can this robot do specifically" idea like we see in car manufacturing facilities)).
The Korean plusses are falling away. One of the biggest things that I DON'T like about this is my job, and it's not just my job, but the general way that (it seems) the entire English teaching business is conducted around here. Being raised in a Christian home, I was raised with much stricter moral standards than many other people in the country, and that still has affected me here (I was also quite naive coming into this situation). For one thing, the Korean government has stated that it is illegal for any foreigner to work in any job other than what their visa is granted for (for example, English teachers can't make money performing in the arts on their English teaching visas, and an instance of this happened in Busan I believe with a group of foreigners getting arrested), and a visa is granted after signing a contract with ONE school. Therefore, it is technically illegal for a teacher to work anywhere besides one school, including teaching private lessons, etc. However, it is one practice that is widely overlooked, and widely practiced around here. I've even heard instances of teachers who teach at one school being warned Immigration is coming to check the school and just to stay at home until the Immigration Officials leave (or hide in the back of the school).
But regardless of the legality of teaching like this, is the pain of doing so. I currently work at 3 different places, not including the two "privates" my boss is making me do under contract (in other words, as far as I know, my boss gets paid the standard $30/hr for the privates, but I only see about $15/hr because the hours I work there are under contract with him). And, tomorrow I will have university classes as well. That adds up to 6 different places I have to be on a weekly basis, just under contract (not including anything I might happen to pick up on the side). And all of that will add up to at between $10-$30/day in taxi fare, and adding all of that up, it will be about $100/week at least just for taxis to get to the schools I will teach at. Although that amount will be reimbursed to me at the end of the month in my contract pay, that still makes just getting to classes rather inconvenient. Considering as well that IF I had stayed in Japan, a subway ride from a suburb of Osaka, Ikoma, into the heart of Osaka would cost less than $5/way, so maybe $10/day minimum if I'm going deep into the city to work, or up to $20/day if I'm doing lots of traveling around for shopping (because as far as I know, I would only work for ONE school in Japan at ONE location (though one school I know had two places), and at least a few that I looked at were near the home that I would rent).
Now compound the money with the fact that nearly all these "schools" I've been "contracted" out for don't even know what they want me to teach. Often I walk into a place with nothing (I don't have kindergarten books) and the school has nothing as well. I ask, "what should I do?" and they say "what will you do?" They provide no books, no curriculum, and no guidance beyond, "Teach them conversational English." The kids are 3-6 years old for crying out loud, they don't even know conversational Korean yet! I'm just constantly surprised by the fact that the schools and the directors have nothing for me, and expect me to just DO something, or bring something, or whatever, but I never get any notice about it.
That's something else I've been frustrated by around here, the lack of notice for anything. My boss used to call me last minute for everything. "We have a meeting in 20 minutes, be ready" on a Saturday that turns into a 2 hour orientation meeting (and speech from me) at a camp that I'm not even teaching. My boss used to call me last minute to teach another teacher's class who was sick or didn't show up at work that day. For a month I worked 12 hour days because he was short one teacher, and for the last three months, I had another teacher's job (since she quit). Good thing my university classes ended, or it would have been 12 hour days for the last three months as well. I noticed for a while there, my boss could call me any Saturday with additional things and if I didn't have plans, he could easily get me to do something for him. I ended up having to make plans, or go to a different city, or SAY I was in a different city, or turn off my phone. Koreans don't understand hesitation over the phone or in person. They seem to take any answer for a solid YES, even if it's "will you give a speech at my camp?" and you say "I guess I COULD" and you mean SOMETIME, but he means RIGHT NOW. And at least a few of them get offended when your hesitant "yes" isn't followed to the letter immediately (one girl I know said "Illusionist movie looks interesting right?" I said, "yeah, I might see it." she said, "let's see it Thursday" I said "I work" she said "do you work Friday?" I said "no" and when Friday was approaching and I said that I had other plans, she got incredibly offended thinking that we had strongly agree to go together on Friday and that our decision was set in stone (though I had only told her "I don't work Friday.")).
Anyway, more on the teaching. I'm perfectly fine with doing my own thing, IF the school gives me some kind of direction. After all, this is still my first year teaching, so I'm not that experienced. One school told me they don't have English books, and don't have money to buy any, so I should buy some. When I asked what they wanted they said, "we don't know, teach conversation." I suggested story books (I do stories in many other places) and they said "mmm, not story books, conversation." Well, that doesn't help me much does it? One school I've taught at for the last three months, no problem, one teacher always helped out and provided me with the materials I would use each week. Now, she is gone and I have no materials, so I've had to find something laying around in the school to try and use. In addition, the same school added a "special class" that I am supposed to have for an extra hour in the mornings 9-10am, but for the first three weeks when I arrived, they had no materials and just sent me into a class full of 30 or so kids and said "Play." I said, "what? Play what? Should I teach something?" and the director just pointed to a bunch of toys and said again, "Play." OK. So I "played" and tried to teach English.
I'm getting the feeling more and more around here that foreign English teachers are more for show than anything else. Everything in Korea is based on appearances. People buy bigger, newer cars and apartments just to SHOW how rich they are. There is a street in Seoul with a plastic surgery clinic in every building and Korean girls do get lots of plastic surgery (not all, but many). Foreign teachers come to orientation meetings with parents only to say, "Hi, I'm Aaron, I'm foreign" and then sit back down, just to SHOW the parents that "wow, this is a good school, because they have a foreigner." People are constantly judged based on appearances. People tell me I'm handsome, and sometimes I feel that (at least some) girls only are interested in me because I'm foreign and "wow, what an appearance that would be, to have a foreign boyfriend." And another thing that bothers me quite a bit here has to do with the girls, more specifically their fathers.
I've known plenty of relationships between foreigners and Korean girls that have been broken simply because of the father. In many cases the father doesn't even meet the foreigner (this isn't to say that all fathers hate their daughters dating foreigners, but that definitely seems to be the case). In many instances I've heard of (and possibly even in my case, though the girl I dated did live in a different city and that got to be difficult after a while) as soon as the father hears of a foreign boyfriend, he tells the daughter to break it off with him. In fact, I was talking to a foreign friend yesterday who said that in all the cases he's heard of (of course, we're in a fairly small, conservative city) in which a foreigner and Korean girl are successfully dating, the father is out of the picture, either divorced, or gone, or something. Even my boss, as I've been told is like that. His daughter once expressed interest in possibly dating a foreigner one day and he said that he wouldn't allow it. And this is a man who employs many foreigners (up to 10 currently) and has visited Canada many times, and clearly likes foreigners, but he still won't have his daughter dating one. I heard that 15% of new marriages in Korea were Korean men marrying foreign girls, so obviously there's no problem there. The problem comes if you're a foreign man trying to date a Korean girl. I've heard things as well (not sure how true) about "trying to keep the purity of the race" or something like that, but it still has a tendency to be quite frustrating, even thinking about it (I'm currently single). And when I was dating a Korean girl, I literally felt like everyone was staring at me whenever I walked down the street holding her hand.
Anyway, this has run on longer than I thought it would, but it was interesting to really put lots of words to it. Currently the most frustrating things here are the last minute everythings (I don't even know my schedule for tomorrow), the running all over the city for teaching, the lack of information, teaching materials or direction, and the split shifts (I will work tomorrow 10-12 pm, then MAYBE 4-6pm, then 8-10pm, awesome). This lack of consistency with my job, the constant changes, and whatnot are seriously starting to wear me out. Oh well, only 6 more months of it. Then, I'm heading back to Japan. I'll gladly take a pay cut, a little more expense, less beautiful hair, and a more beautiful language, for a little more certainty, and a few less surprises (stress).
Seriously, for a while I was so stressed by the surprise "you're teaching in 3 minutes" phone calls that everytime I looked at my phone I cringed. And for a while as well, I worked so much (with so much stress during the week) that I couldn't even enjoy my weekends, because as soon as they started, I cringed thinking about Monday. Maybe that's why I got so sick for 3 or 4 months. I quit eating right, sometimes didn't eat at all. I ordered pizza 2 times a week. Maybe that's why I lost the girl, haha. Oh well. Eventually I started reading that if your body doesn't get ENOUGH food, or enough sleep, or especially enough protein, it can't fight off illnesses or infections effectively. Add that to the constant stress, and the constant sniffling, sneezing, coughing of the kids, no wonder I was so sick. But, after changing my diet to include plenty of protein, and constantly eating (to keep the metabolism revved), I'm finally starting to get better. In fact, I've not coughed seriously all day (except for a few minor irritations). Maybe I can even go back to running in another week or two (weights start next week).
And that, as they say, is "the rest of the story."
This is INCREDIBLY LONG. Four pages in Word, single spaced. You are warned.
-------------------------------
So, I just watched a show on Discovery Channel about a guy and his exploration into Japan and Japanese culture, and as I was watching I had amazing memories of visiting the same places and doing many of the same things that he did. And while the guy in the show constantly complained and commented that "I just don't get it, I don't think I'll ever understand Japan" my thoughts about the same things were "wow, I LOVE that, that's amazing, maybe I don't get it, but that's why I find it absolutely fascinating, that's why I love it."
Perhaps needless to say, but my time in Japan was the most memorable, fascinating, amazing, even healthy and restful time I've ever had in my life. Perhaps that's only because I was so lazy there, and not working, but I can't help the effect Japan has had on me and continues to have on me.
Also needless to say, the time I've spent in Korea wasn't nearly as wonderful as promised. Korea has definitely been an amazing experience, and under different circumstances, I would have to say that this could have been my favorite country. It has amazing food, amazing people, amazing culture and customs, and not least of all amazing women. The girls here have the most beautiful hair of any other Asian country I've ever seen. You could take a really ugly girl and she'd still have amazingly sexy hair. That makes the really great looking girls (and there are a lot) even better. However, there are still a few things about Korea that continually put me off, and in many ways it probably all hinges on my current situation.
Perhaps I should start at...the beginning of the story...before I tell...the rest of the story.
When I went to Japan the first time, I had a few motivations to go there. For one, my best friend offered me a free place to stay for three months, how could I refuse? For two, I had just graduated from university (after 6 years) and needed a vacation. Three, I was definitely planning on looking for a job in Asia (unknown to my parents at the time) and although at that point I had not completely made up my mind as to where to go, my friend and I had talked extensively about teaching in Japan, which was in big part because of reason four, that I'd ALWAYS wanted to go to Japan and live there for 3 years or more. (Of course, my decision to teach in Japan wasn't FOR SURE at this point for two reasons (a) I wasn't completely sure I HAD graduated and therefore COULD apply for a job, and (b) because this whole thing seemed in many ways more like my friend's "baby" and not so much like me making my own decisions in life). And this brings us to reason five, a girl, 'nuff said.
Over the course of my time in Japan, in addition to the amazing time that I had, I started to get a few hints that maybe I shouldn't stay, weigh those as you will. In order of events, first, a Korean girl I know called me at my friend's house in Japan in the middle of a particularly difficult week of homesickness, and that first got me thinking about Korea. Later, I called my parents, and their words strongly influenced the final decision. Eventually, I went traveling in Japan, away from my best friend's house (up to this point he and his family had strongly encouraged me to get a job in Japan, much as my own family had strongly encouraged me NOT to, and my Japan job seemed more like their wish for me than my own (I was just feeling pressured on all sides, and needed a break from it all to really figure things out)). And of course, the girl (who I did meet later in my travels) was more interested in her career path in Japan than in giving anything else a chance, so eventually, with a number of things piling up, I made the decision to come to Korea.
A few of the reasons for coming to Korea, my own and my parents, include: (1) I'd never been to Korea, but had been to China and Japan, I thought I should round out my Asian experience with at least one trip to Korea (plus I had lots of friends here that I've not seen in years). (2) Korea is a more Christian nation (although true, and incredibly easy to find a church, I found that once I actually got OUT in Japan and to some bigger cities it was still quite easy to find a church, plus, this Christianity also makes Korea far more conservative, something I like sometimes and hate other times). (3) Korea pays better (pay is actually the same, but cost of living in Japan is much higher and I don't pay rent for an apartment in Korea) (4) The job offers I had in Japan started sooner than I (a) wanted and (b) thought I could handle (for one thing, my degree was needed for a teaching visa, and my school is nearly as lazy as me, not printing or shipping degrees until July. The job in Korea started in late July, giving just enough time to get the degree, and a teaching visa to teach legally in the country as opposed to a tourist visa (which I would have been doing for a while in Japan, IF the companies were even still interested in hiring me without a degree in hand). And of course (5) there was now no good (romantic) reason tying me to or keeping me in Japan.
After 6 months in Korea, there are now no longer that many good reasons (romantic or not) tying me here, and more and more things are encouraging me to return to Japan (consider the way something sparks inside me everytime I hear Japanese, see Japan, talk to a Japanese person (met one guy here who is Japanese-Korean, and he is easily my favorite guy around, I still really think Japanese people are great, very interesting, and quite kind and fun), or remember Japan, and consider as well my long term goals of robotics (seems Japan is leading in that field, or at least is dealing with the kinds of things I am highly interested in, such as having cute, or humanoid robots as interactive "helpers" for people in normal life, whereas so many others concentrate on the more static, mechanical "what can this robot do specifically" idea like we see in car manufacturing facilities)).
The Korean plusses are falling away. One of the biggest things that I DON'T like about this is my job, and it's not just my job, but the general way that (it seems) the entire English teaching business is conducted around here. Being raised in a Christian home, I was raised with much stricter moral standards than many other people in the country, and that still has affected me here (I was also quite naive coming into this situation). For one thing, the Korean government has stated that it is illegal for any foreigner to work in any job other than what their visa is granted for (for example, English teachers can't make money performing in the arts on their English teaching visas, and an instance of this happened in Busan I believe with a group of foreigners getting arrested), and a visa is granted after signing a contract with ONE school. Therefore, it is technically illegal for a teacher to work anywhere besides one school, including teaching private lessons, etc. However, it is one practice that is widely overlooked, and widely practiced around here. I've even heard instances of teachers who teach at one school being warned Immigration is coming to check the school and just to stay at home until the Immigration Officials leave (or hide in the back of the school).
But regardless of the legality of teaching like this, is the pain of doing so. I currently work at 3 different places, not including the two "privates" my boss is making me do under contract (in other words, as far as I know, my boss gets paid the standard $30/hr for the privates, but I only see about $15/hr because the hours I work there are under contract with him). And, tomorrow I will have university classes as well. That adds up to 6 different places I have to be on a weekly basis, just under contract (not including anything I might happen to pick up on the side). And all of that will add up to at between $10-$30/day in taxi fare, and adding all of that up, it will be about $100/week at least just for taxis to get to the schools I will teach at. Although that amount will be reimbursed to me at the end of the month in my contract pay, that still makes just getting to classes rather inconvenient. Considering as well that IF I had stayed in Japan, a subway ride from a suburb of Osaka, Ikoma, into the heart of Osaka would cost less than $5/way, so maybe $10/day minimum if I'm going deep into the city to work, or up to $20/day if I'm doing lots of traveling around for shopping (because as far as I know, I would only work for ONE school in Japan at ONE location (though one school I know had two places), and at least a few that I looked at were near the home that I would rent).
Now compound the money with the fact that nearly all these "schools" I've been "contracted" out for don't even know what they want me to teach. Often I walk into a place with nothing (I don't have kindergarten books) and the school has nothing as well. I ask, "what should I do?" and they say "what will you do?" They provide no books, no curriculum, and no guidance beyond, "Teach them conversational English." The kids are 3-6 years old for crying out loud, they don't even know conversational Korean yet! I'm just constantly surprised by the fact that the schools and the directors have nothing for me, and expect me to just DO something, or bring something, or whatever, but I never get any notice about it.
That's something else I've been frustrated by around here, the lack of notice for anything. My boss used to call me last minute for everything. "We have a meeting in 20 minutes, be ready" on a Saturday that turns into a 2 hour orientation meeting (and speech from me) at a camp that I'm not even teaching. My boss used to call me last minute to teach another teacher's class who was sick or didn't show up at work that day. For a month I worked 12 hour days because he was short one teacher, and for the last three months, I had another teacher's job (since she quit). Good thing my university classes ended, or it would have been 12 hour days for the last three months as well. I noticed for a while there, my boss could call me any Saturday with additional things and if I didn't have plans, he could easily get me to do something for him. I ended up having to make plans, or go to a different city, or SAY I was in a different city, or turn off my phone. Koreans don't understand hesitation over the phone or in person. They seem to take any answer for a solid YES, even if it's "will you give a speech at my camp?" and you say "I guess I COULD" and you mean SOMETIME, but he means RIGHT NOW. And at least a few of them get offended when your hesitant "yes" isn't followed to the letter immediately (one girl I know said "Illusionist movie looks interesting right?" I said, "yeah, I might see it." she said, "let's see it Thursday" I said "I work" she said "do you work Friday?" I said "no" and when Friday was approaching and I said that I had other plans, she got incredibly offended thinking that we had strongly agree to go together on Friday and that our decision was set in stone (though I had only told her "I don't work Friday.")).
Anyway, more on the teaching. I'm perfectly fine with doing my own thing, IF the school gives me some kind of direction. After all, this is still my first year teaching, so I'm not that experienced. One school told me they don't have English books, and don't have money to buy any, so I should buy some. When I asked what they wanted they said, "we don't know, teach conversation." I suggested story books (I do stories in many other places) and they said "mmm, not story books, conversation." Well, that doesn't help me much does it? One school I've taught at for the last three months, no problem, one teacher always helped out and provided me with the materials I would use each week. Now, she is gone and I have no materials, so I've had to find something laying around in the school to try and use. In addition, the same school added a "special class" that I am supposed to have for an extra hour in the mornings 9-10am, but for the first three weeks when I arrived, they had no materials and just sent me into a class full of 30 or so kids and said "Play." I said, "what? Play what? Should I teach something?" and the director just pointed to a bunch of toys and said again, "Play." OK. So I "played" and tried to teach English.
I'm getting the feeling more and more around here that foreign English teachers are more for show than anything else. Everything in Korea is based on appearances. People buy bigger, newer cars and apartments just to SHOW how rich they are. There is a street in Seoul with a plastic surgery clinic in every building and Korean girls do get lots of plastic surgery (not all, but many). Foreign teachers come to orientation meetings with parents only to say, "Hi, I'm Aaron, I'm foreign" and then sit back down, just to SHOW the parents that "wow, this is a good school, because they have a foreigner." People are constantly judged based on appearances. People tell me I'm handsome, and sometimes I feel that (at least some) girls only are interested in me because I'm foreign and "wow, what an appearance that would be, to have a foreign boyfriend." And another thing that bothers me quite a bit here has to do with the girls, more specifically their fathers.
I've known plenty of relationships between foreigners and Korean girls that have been broken simply because of the father. In many cases the father doesn't even meet the foreigner (this isn't to say that all fathers hate their daughters dating foreigners, but that definitely seems to be the case). In many instances I've heard of (and possibly even in my case, though the girl I dated did live in a different city and that got to be difficult after a while) as soon as the father hears of a foreign boyfriend, he tells the daughter to break it off with him. In fact, I was talking to a foreign friend yesterday who said that in all the cases he's heard of (of course, we're in a fairly small, conservative city) in which a foreigner and Korean girl are successfully dating, the father is out of the picture, either divorced, or gone, or something. Even my boss, as I've been told is like that. His daughter once expressed interest in possibly dating a foreigner one day and he said that he wouldn't allow it. And this is a man who employs many foreigners (up to 10 currently) and has visited Canada many times, and clearly likes foreigners, but he still won't have his daughter dating one. I heard that 15% of new marriages in Korea were Korean men marrying foreign girls, so obviously there's no problem there. The problem comes if you're a foreign man trying to date a Korean girl. I've heard things as well (not sure how true) about "trying to keep the purity of the race" or something like that, but it still has a tendency to be quite frustrating, even thinking about it (I'm currently single). And when I was dating a Korean girl, I literally felt like everyone was staring at me whenever I walked down the street holding her hand.
Anyway, this has run on longer than I thought it would, but it was interesting to really put lots of words to it. Currently the most frustrating things here are the last minute everythings (I don't even know my schedule for tomorrow), the running all over the city for teaching, the lack of information, teaching materials or direction, and the split shifts (I will work tomorrow 10-12 pm, then MAYBE 4-6pm, then 8-10pm, awesome). This lack of consistency with my job, the constant changes, and whatnot are seriously starting to wear me out. Oh well, only 6 more months of it. Then, I'm heading back to Japan. I'll gladly take a pay cut, a little more expense, less beautiful hair, and a more beautiful language, for a little more certainty, and a few less surprises (stress).
Seriously, for a while I was so stressed by the surprise "you're teaching in 3 minutes" phone calls that everytime I looked at my phone I cringed. And for a while as well, I worked so much (with so much stress during the week) that I couldn't even enjoy my weekends, because as soon as they started, I cringed thinking about Monday. Maybe that's why I got so sick for 3 or 4 months. I quit eating right, sometimes didn't eat at all. I ordered pizza 2 times a week. Maybe that's why I lost the girl, haha. Oh well. Eventually I started reading that if your body doesn't get ENOUGH food, or enough sleep, or especially enough protein, it can't fight off illnesses or infections effectively. Add that to the constant stress, and the constant sniffling, sneezing, coughing of the kids, no wonder I was so sick. But, after changing my diet to include plenty of protein, and constantly eating (to keep the metabolism revved), I'm finally starting to get better. In fact, I've not coughed seriously all day (except for a few minor irritations). Maybe I can even go back to running in another week or two (weights start next week).
And that, as they say, is "the rest of the story."
Mar 5, 2007
Yup, I'm still in Korea.
Koreans are really direct people.
I got sick again this weekend, Thursday, but opened my house, rested a lot, and generally started getting a lot better as the weekend progressed. I slept 10 hours each night, and every morning woke up feeling rested, refreshed and better than the day before.
Come Sunday, the Spring weather, and morning sunshine were pouring in through my window, though it was cloudy (due to rain in the afternoon). I ate cereal for breakfast, much in the same manner Dai and I used to in Japan (weather, and sickness were also very similar to my first few weeks in Japan). I turned on the TV and saw a Japanese TV show about Tokyo Disneyland with an announcer that totally looked like Yoko Fujiwara (cute Japanese girl, always smiling and saying "cuuuute!"). I continued my morning with a very lazy shower, and got ready for the day by even doing my hair (I wear hats alot).
All in all, it was a very nostalgic morning, even reminded me of home in some ways. I felt very much alive, well, and at home.
Then, I grabbed a cab to church, enjoyed the service, and saw a woman afterwards who I've not seen in months. And the very first thing she said to me was, "Aaron! Wow, you look like you've gained weight a little!"
|
| There goes my nostalgic high,
| as I'm reminded that
| "Yup, I'm still in Korea."
\ /
V
Like I said, Koreans are really direct people. Sometimes I wouldn't mind at least a LITTLE more discretion when they speak. But that's just the way things go. They speak their minds. I'm still not quite used to that.
Hahaha, and this coming after 6 of my Seoul friends asked, "Wow, Aaron, have you lost weight?" And actually, since coming to Korea, I have lost weight (about 5 kg, (11 lb)), though I maintain a pretty steady 77 kg (170 lb).
I got sick again this weekend, Thursday, but opened my house, rested a lot, and generally started getting a lot better as the weekend progressed. I slept 10 hours each night, and every morning woke up feeling rested, refreshed and better than the day before.
Come Sunday, the Spring weather, and morning sunshine were pouring in through my window, though it was cloudy (due to rain in the afternoon). I ate cereal for breakfast, much in the same manner Dai and I used to in Japan (weather, and sickness were also very similar to my first few weeks in Japan). I turned on the TV and saw a Japanese TV show about Tokyo Disneyland with an announcer that totally looked like Yoko Fujiwara (cute Japanese girl, always smiling and saying "cuuuute!"). I continued my morning with a very lazy shower, and got ready for the day by even doing my hair (I wear hats alot).
All in all, it was a very nostalgic morning, even reminded me of home in some ways. I felt very much alive, well, and at home.
Then, I grabbed a cab to church, enjoyed the service, and saw a woman afterwards who I've not seen in months. And the very first thing she said to me was, "Aaron! Wow, you look like you've gained weight a little!"
|
| There goes my nostalgic high,
| as I'm reminded that
| "Yup, I'm still in Korea."
\ /
V
Like I said, Koreans are really direct people. Sometimes I wouldn't mind at least a LITTLE more discretion when they speak. But that's just the way things go. They speak their minds. I'm still not quite used to that.
Hahaha, and this coming after 6 of my Seoul friends asked, "Wow, Aaron, have you lost weight?" And actually, since coming to Korea, I have lost weight (about 5 kg, (11 lb)), though I maintain a pretty steady 77 kg (170 lb).
Mar 3, 2007
Beautiful weather
Jeonju Spring is officially the most beautiful season in any country anywhere. Or maybe it's just that I finally have a break, a real break at that. Or maybe it's just that I'm finally taking charge of my stuff and cleaned my whole kitchen today (and did the dishes much sooner than normal). Or maybe it's that I haven't turned on the TV or my music all day, and I'm just listening to the outdoors. Or maybe it's just that my whole house is open to the outside air, the sun is shining in through my windows, and I'm finally relaxing.
I've been tensing up a little the past two evenings thinking "Wow, today feels like Sunday already." But the thing is, it wasn't Sunday, wasn't even Saturday. And I don't have work until late Monday. It's like every weekend is just a little too short, I never have a day completely to myself, with nothing to do. Saturdays I have work (and my boss just signed me up for another of his 5 hour Saturday class - yippee), and Sunday is church. Not that I'm knocking church or anything, but it's just another thing that is built into my schedule, so that when I look at my week, I don't have a single blank day. I actually really love Sundays because I get to meet up with some of my guy friends that I don't see during the week and we always have lunch, coffee, play tennis, play pool, play board games (board game cafes here), eat dinner, have ice cream, etc, etc, or any combination thereof, so Sundays are quite a nice change of pace from the usual week. But, I'd still like a big blank in my schedule. And I finally got one.
Five days off this weekend, and only working 2 hours a day on the other days of this week is better than I expected (I usually don't expect much). Since February 22 I've not had my normal kindergarten classes during the day, only morning and afternoon class. Then a weekend, then only afternoon class M-W the following (last) week. Thursday was a National Holiday, and Friday I had no work (though a short meeting). I also have no work Monday until late in the evening, and no work in the afternoons or evening until March 19 when I resume university classes. Like I said, at first I started tensing up thinking about the quickly approaching week and resuming of work, but then I realized how slowly the week actually was approaching and I'm finally starting to relax.
I started getting sick again on my first day off, Thursday the holiday, and then I started thinking about why that was. I spent nearly all day in my house doing pretty much nothing. I did clean up some (boy it was a big project, letting things pile up for so long), but after a few hours, just turned on the TV for the rest of the day. I had planned to go for a run that day, but because I started to get sick, I canceled that, and just stayed in. However, the longer I was in my house, the sicker I got (or so it seemed when coughing worsened and included a headache eventually). I started looking online for reasons and found some interesting info on mold, and noticed that I definitely had symptoms of a moldy house, at least the "sick causing mold" that literally causes cold and flu-like symptoms after too much exposure. Considering I've been sick for most of the winter, and constantly getting better, then worse, and always with a "cold" I really started to think about that. If nothing else, at least I realized the danger of my lack of good quality air. Recently when I've come home from classes, I've noticed a slight difference in the air between outside and inside. But in the middle of winter, in a small apartment, who wants to leave windows open if you're trying to heat the place? I left windows closed nearly all winter to try and contain the heat. Of course it worked, but at what cost? Anyway, if nothing else, I should have closed the kitchen door and opened the windows in the kitchen when I was heating, since that is where the heater is located (it pumps heat under the floor, so the floor is actually what is heated in the main apartment).
Anyway, around 8 or 9pm I started to get really sleepy, and almost thought about going to bed, but then I thought that I couldn't go to bed with bad air, so, despite my headache, I went for a 6 mile walk to Homever (Wal-Mart) and back, and opened my house the whole time. Upon leaving my house, I felt slightly better, but after the 6 mile walk around the city, I was exhausted. I came home and left my windows open all night and all day Friday, all night Friday night, and I will continue to leave them open ALL the time now. After completely cleaning my room and getting all the fresh air circulating, I'm sure things will be looking up. Even if I don't have mold, at least getting new air, and getting rid of all the old dirt and dust will help. If I do have mold in some place that I have no idea where to look for (I've checked all the dark, sometimes wet places I can think of for now) at least keeping my windows open all the time will keep the air quality in my house consistent with that of the outside. And since there are always mold spores in the outside air, I don't think it will be a big problem.
Anyway, as for the whole cleaning thing. It's a big job to clean this whole apartment, and especially if I just let it pile up. I think I'm going to have to break things down a bit. Maybe clean the kitchen every Monday, bathroom every Wednesday, and main house every Friday (when I have the afternoons off). That way things can't ever get THIS bad again. I never realized the importance of cleaning until my house started making me sick (so it seems).
Things like this sometimes just frustrate the hell out of me. I feel like I'm just fumbling around half the time, trying to live, but not really knowing how. I always seem to find out things the hard way. Even if someone gives me good advice, because usually the good advice is just "wash your dishes more often." I never hear the consequences, like "if you don't you might have to throw your dishes away." And even if I do hear the consequences, the reality of the situation doesn't really hit me until after it happens, when I actually DO have to throw my dishes, or my moldy towels, away. I feel like I'm just learning things the hard way more often than not.
I learned the hard way not to keep old rotting food in a trash can in my kitchen when I started having maggots and flies growing off of that (gross).
I learned the hard way not to keep kimchee too long in my fridge after it started leaking, and rotting and stinking in there.
I learned the hard way not to keep rice in my rice cooker too long after it started fermenting and turning into rice wine in there (stinky).
I learned the hard way to clean my dishes more quickly when I had to throw some away from mold (the same with towels kept too long unwashed in my clothes washer).
I learned the hard way to clean my apartment and open the windows more often when I started getting sick from spending too much time in there.
I learned the hard way not to buy more food in a week than I WILL eat in that week, when I had to constantly throw out old stuff (living alone is so much different from living in a family, where you can stock the fridge with random foods. Here I actually have to PLAN everything or I'll end up with too much or too little of something)
I think I'll end up learning the hard way about preparing meals (or at least planning them) before I get hungry (because I constantly just get pizza or McDonald's if I need something to eat NOW).
Oh, one more thing I learned the hard way, though not related to housekeeping. If in a group of foreigners you happen to mention that you are an American, NEVER mention that you voted for George W. Bush (even with the quantifier "before the war" OR even though over half of the US did vote for him) because NOBODY likes George W. Bush overseas. And even if someone did like Bush, they would certainly keep their mouth shut about it. The other foreigners will just lynch you about it. Maybe that's why I don't like to go drinking with the foreigners here. I prefer Koreans.
Anyway, one last thing about the relaxing before I wrap this up. I used to feel really pressed for time about everything, my goals, learning Korean, Japanese, studying robotics, cooking, cleaning, etc, etc. But I'm starting to learn that not everything is a sprint to the finish. I'm starting to see things more like reading a long book. Do a little at a time, relax, enjoy it, and eventually you'll finish it. After all, I'm only 25 years old, and I've got lots of time left to do what I want to do. At first, thinking about the hugeness of my goals, or tasks, I used to get really tired just thinking about them, and they seemed far too overwhelming, because to me, everything was a sprint, to learn or accomplish all in one breath, or as short a time as possible. But when training for the marathon (though I've missed a few days), or reading the book, or reading any book, or even just cleaning my place one piece at a time, I can start to see things in a better light. I can start to see things now as a progression, building piece upon piece, part upon part until the goal is finally accomplished. Even in learning Korean. I study a little today, tomorrow, I'll recognize more words (at least one) on the TV, or in public. In calming down about such things, and slowing down my pace, I'm able to relax in these things more and to enjoy the process. Instead of rushing things so much, I'm starting to learn to slow down, and not get ahead of myself.
Anyway, hopefully I'll remember these things later, when I'm back at work and the pressure is on again. This will be my last long weekend off in a long time, and I intend to make the most of it.
I've been tensing up a little the past two evenings thinking "Wow, today feels like Sunday already." But the thing is, it wasn't Sunday, wasn't even Saturday. And I don't have work until late Monday. It's like every weekend is just a little too short, I never have a day completely to myself, with nothing to do. Saturdays I have work (and my boss just signed me up for another of his 5 hour Saturday class - yippee), and Sunday is church. Not that I'm knocking church or anything, but it's just another thing that is built into my schedule, so that when I look at my week, I don't have a single blank day. I actually really love Sundays because I get to meet up with some of my guy friends that I don't see during the week and we always have lunch, coffee, play tennis, play pool, play board games (board game cafes here), eat dinner, have ice cream, etc, etc, or any combination thereof, so Sundays are quite a nice change of pace from the usual week. But, I'd still like a big blank in my schedule. And I finally got one.
Five days off this weekend, and only working 2 hours a day on the other days of this week is better than I expected (I usually don't expect much). Since February 22 I've not had my normal kindergarten classes during the day, only morning and afternoon class. Then a weekend, then only afternoon class M-W the following (last) week. Thursday was a National Holiday, and Friday I had no work (though a short meeting). I also have no work Monday until late in the evening, and no work in the afternoons or evening until March 19 when I resume university classes. Like I said, at first I started tensing up thinking about the quickly approaching week and resuming of work, but then I realized how slowly the week actually was approaching and I'm finally starting to relax.
I started getting sick again on my first day off, Thursday the holiday, and then I started thinking about why that was. I spent nearly all day in my house doing pretty much nothing. I did clean up some (boy it was a big project, letting things pile up for so long), but after a few hours, just turned on the TV for the rest of the day. I had planned to go for a run that day, but because I started to get sick, I canceled that, and just stayed in. However, the longer I was in my house, the sicker I got (or so it seemed when coughing worsened and included a headache eventually). I started looking online for reasons and found some interesting info on mold, and noticed that I definitely had symptoms of a moldy house, at least the "sick causing mold" that literally causes cold and flu-like symptoms after too much exposure. Considering I've been sick for most of the winter, and constantly getting better, then worse, and always with a "cold" I really started to think about that. If nothing else, at least I realized the danger of my lack of good quality air. Recently when I've come home from classes, I've noticed a slight difference in the air between outside and inside. But in the middle of winter, in a small apartment, who wants to leave windows open if you're trying to heat the place? I left windows closed nearly all winter to try and contain the heat. Of course it worked, but at what cost? Anyway, if nothing else, I should have closed the kitchen door and opened the windows in the kitchen when I was heating, since that is where the heater is located (it pumps heat under the floor, so the floor is actually what is heated in the main apartment).
Anyway, around 8 or 9pm I started to get really sleepy, and almost thought about going to bed, but then I thought that I couldn't go to bed with bad air, so, despite my headache, I went for a 6 mile walk to Homever (Wal-Mart) and back, and opened my house the whole time. Upon leaving my house, I felt slightly better, but after the 6 mile walk around the city, I was exhausted. I came home and left my windows open all night and all day Friday, all night Friday night, and I will continue to leave them open ALL the time now. After completely cleaning my room and getting all the fresh air circulating, I'm sure things will be looking up. Even if I don't have mold, at least getting new air, and getting rid of all the old dirt and dust will help. If I do have mold in some place that I have no idea where to look for (I've checked all the dark, sometimes wet places I can think of for now) at least keeping my windows open all the time will keep the air quality in my house consistent with that of the outside. And since there are always mold spores in the outside air, I don't think it will be a big problem.
Anyway, as for the whole cleaning thing. It's a big job to clean this whole apartment, and especially if I just let it pile up. I think I'm going to have to break things down a bit. Maybe clean the kitchen every Monday, bathroom every Wednesday, and main house every Friday (when I have the afternoons off). That way things can't ever get THIS bad again. I never realized the importance of cleaning until my house started making me sick (so it seems).
Things like this sometimes just frustrate the hell out of me. I feel like I'm just fumbling around half the time, trying to live, but not really knowing how. I always seem to find out things the hard way. Even if someone gives me good advice, because usually the good advice is just "wash your dishes more often." I never hear the consequences, like "if you don't you might have to throw your dishes away." And even if I do hear the consequences, the reality of the situation doesn't really hit me until after it happens, when I actually DO have to throw my dishes, or my moldy towels, away. I feel like I'm just learning things the hard way more often than not.
I learned the hard way not to keep old rotting food in a trash can in my kitchen when I started having maggots and flies growing off of that (gross).
I learned the hard way not to keep kimchee too long in my fridge after it started leaking, and rotting and stinking in there.
I learned the hard way not to keep rice in my rice cooker too long after it started fermenting and turning into rice wine in there (stinky).
I learned the hard way to clean my dishes more quickly when I had to throw some away from mold (the same with towels kept too long unwashed in my clothes washer).
I learned the hard way to clean my apartment and open the windows more often when I started getting sick from spending too much time in there.
I learned the hard way not to buy more food in a week than I WILL eat in that week, when I had to constantly throw out old stuff (living alone is so much different from living in a family, where you can stock the fridge with random foods. Here I actually have to PLAN everything or I'll end up with too much or too little of something)
I think I'll end up learning the hard way about preparing meals (or at least planning them) before I get hungry (because I constantly just get pizza or McDonald's if I need something to eat NOW).
Oh, one more thing I learned the hard way, though not related to housekeeping. If in a group of foreigners you happen to mention that you are an American, NEVER mention that you voted for George W. Bush (even with the quantifier "before the war" OR even though over half of the US did vote for him) because NOBODY likes George W. Bush overseas. And even if someone did like Bush, they would certainly keep their mouth shut about it. The other foreigners will just lynch you about it. Maybe that's why I don't like to go drinking with the foreigners here. I prefer Koreans.
Anyway, one last thing about the relaxing before I wrap this up. I used to feel really pressed for time about everything, my goals, learning Korean, Japanese, studying robotics, cooking, cleaning, etc, etc. But I'm starting to learn that not everything is a sprint to the finish. I'm starting to see things more like reading a long book. Do a little at a time, relax, enjoy it, and eventually you'll finish it. After all, I'm only 25 years old, and I've got lots of time left to do what I want to do. At first, thinking about the hugeness of my goals, or tasks, I used to get really tired just thinking about them, and they seemed far too overwhelming, because to me, everything was a sprint, to learn or accomplish all in one breath, or as short a time as possible. But when training for the marathon (though I've missed a few days), or reading the book, or reading any book, or even just cleaning my place one piece at a time, I can start to see things in a better light. I can start to see things now as a progression, building piece upon piece, part upon part until the goal is finally accomplished. Even in learning Korean. I study a little today, tomorrow, I'll recognize more words (at least one) on the TV, or in public. In calming down about such things, and slowing down my pace, I'm able to relax in these things more and to enjoy the process. Instead of rushing things so much, I'm starting to learn to slow down, and not get ahead of myself.
Anyway, hopefully I'll remember these things later, when I'm back at work and the pressure is on again. This will be my last long weekend off in a long time, and I intend to make the most of it.
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