Too Many Thoughts

I have too many thoughts these days...
Too many regrets...
I feel that my words are becoming just as jumbled as my thoughts...
I don't know what to write sometimes...
I don't know what to say...
I don't even know what I'm thinking half the time...
I have regrets, and I have goals...
But even those are getting jumbled together...
Apathy is overpowering...
Thoughts try to form, but apathy drowns them in a blanket of boredom...
Plans try to become established, but they can't even stand on the thoughts that formed them...
I'm on a one-way ticket to hell and back...
Some song lyrics...
One-way ticket to hell and back...
What is hell?...
How can I come back?...
I'll tell you what hell is...
Hell is apathy...
Lack of passion, lack of drive, lack of purpose...
Hell is coming home every night to a room that always needs a little cleaning and never gets it...
Hell is not knowing whether to drag your butt out of bed in the morning, or just lie in it...
Hell is arguing with yourself over whether or not to cook a meal, and then just deciding to skip it...
Hell is sitting...
Sitting and thinking...
Sitting, thinking, and arguing with yourself...
Arguing with yourself over whether or not this or that...
Whether or not this or that...
It doesn't matter what...
Clean your room...
Do the dishes...
Cook breakfast...
Exercise...
Take out the garbage...
Television is stifling...
My room is stifling...
Life is stifling...
Where is my real life?...
Where is my "snap!" and ACT?...
Perhaps it is my need for spontaneity that kills me most...
I could make a plan, I have before...
But I never stick to such things, because unconsciously, hell, consciously, I have a need for spontaneity...
I need to be able to see something important, and make a "snap!" judgement about it...
I need to be able to instantly weigh things in my mind and ACT without discussing with myself, without arguing with myself over anything...
It's when I think about things too long and hard that they become impossibilities...
It's when I give my mind time to undress the possibilities, that they become impossible...
If I had no time to think...
If there was only time to act...
If I could take into account all things in one glance and make the best possible assessment in an instant, and act on that assessment...
If I could only "Blink"...
"Blink"...
Just "Blink"...
Note to self...
Reread "Blink" book...