So, that dream about April 2nd? I wondered about the significance eh? Well, I don't think that fate, or destiny, or any of that has anything to do with anything, I think that we create our own destinies, and create meaning within our own lives based on our own values and ideas.
That being said, I recently learned that on April 1st, in Jeonju (my city) there will be a marathon, and half marathon and 5km run. April 2nd just so happens to be the day AFTER...the recovery day.
Anyway, due to the fact that the runs are only 2 months away, I know that I will not be prepared for a full marathon by that point (plus, 26.2 miles? That just sounds CRAZY!! At ANY time!). However, today, on the Internet, I was browsing Amazon.com, and found a book called "The Non-Runner's Marathon Trainer" which had rave reviews, and features people who have never ran more than 3 miles at a time before, and who ALL, after the 4 months of training provided in here, FINISHED a marathon (not saying anything about their times).
Anyway, this book, coupled with the April 1st (and consequently April 2nd) dates, and my desire for some extra meaning, purpose, and especially some motivation toward exercise, I have decided that this is a good goal. I ordered the book, and will follow through with the training (I've never been good at creating my own training plan), and I WILL run a marathon at some point (they hold them in Korea quite often, I've heard of at least 3 since I've been here).
I WILL run a marathon, and complete a marathon. That's quite a goal to accomplish. You know less than 1% of the US population can say they've done something like that? Plus, with the discipline and lessons this will force into my life, I look forward to applying those elsewhere later.
Plus, just think about it. Aaron Snowberger: marathoner. Has a nice feel to it.
Jan 28, 2007
Jan 26, 2007
Who'd have thunk it?
Who'd have thunk it? I'm in Korea. When I was just a child, who'd have thunk I'd be where I am now? Halfway around the world, with a little experience in 3 different cultures, countries, and languages. Reflecting back, I wonder what the steps were, small, or huge decisions, to bring me to this point....
I can't say I didn't come to Korea because of some of the influence of my Korean friends. That had at least SOME to do with it, although I CAN say with confidence that one or more GIRLS alone did not convince me to come for the simple purpose of trying to find a romance (although, granted a FEW of my friends here are foxes and tons of fun to be with, I actually prefer Japanese style, culture, and women). But anyway,
IF IT WASN'T FOR YoungJin's phone call (over an hour) in Daisuke's house in Japan one day when I was alone, applying for jobs in Japan, I never would have even considered coming to Korea.
Break that down, YoungJin and Daisuke. Here my path diverges, we'll take Daisuke's route first.
IF IT WASN'T FOR Daisuke, I never would would have been in Japan in the first place. Thanks brother!
IF IT WASN'T FOR Daisuke's damn broken laptop, and Keisuke's suggestion to come see me to fix it one Sunday morning, I never would have met, or befriended Daisuke in the first place. (And actually, if it wasn't for my family's generousity to keep Dai with us for the entire Christmas break, his family may never have accepted me in their house in Japan. But that's a side note, that may or may not be the case).
IF IT WASN'T FOR Shinze, I'd have never known Keisuke.
IF IT WASN'T FOR Resnet, I'd have never fixed computers.
IF IT WASN'T FOR Scott Phelan, I'd have never known Shinze (Scott's roommate).
IF IT WASN'T FOR Eric Christensen, and InterVarsity, I'd have never known Scott.
IF IT WASN'T FOR my change of majors from Architecture to Computer Science, I'd have never done Resnet.
IF IT WASN'T FOR my parents, I'd have never considered IV in the first place.
IF IT WASN'T FOR my parents, (and a scholarship offer), I'd have never declared Architecture in the first place.
Now we'll take the YoungJin route.
IF IT WASN'T FOR Jakeo, Cory, and Heejei, HyeSeung, and JuHae (girls from the previous BIP Seoul Women's University program) I never would have met or befriended YoungJin in the first place.
Regent.
IF IT WASN'T FOR Regent, I never would have met any of these people, because Regent introduced me to all of them.
IF IT WASN'T FOR changing majors to Computer Science I never would have been required to take a foreign language.
IF IT WASN'T FOR my language requirement and Katrina Reed (partially, her interest in China made me stop to think about what I really wanted) I never would have taken Chinese (I had actually wanted to study Japanese for as long as I can remember, it's always been what I wanted, now I don't know why I didn't, or why I'm sitting in Korea. Although, it's been a good ride so far, I think at SOME POINT, I will HAVE TO go back to what I was originally passionate about. A man can only wander so far from his destiny after all, at some point he has to wander back. But I can't help but think that all my previous experiences have helped prepare me for what is yet to come. Without them, I don't think I would ever have actually realized my dream (as of yet still unrealized, although far closer to achieving through my blunders and apparent missteps and lack of planning, than if I'd sat down and planned every step along the way)).
Anyway, here we diverge again, but only briefly, we also come back full circle to aforementioned situations.
IF IT WASN'T FOR Evie Reed, I never would have met her sister (I'm also thankful for how generous their entire family was to me for a while, and they remain generous to my family out of memory of me, nice).
IF IT WASN'T FOR InterVarsity, Scott Phelan, Tony Archer, I never would have met Evie, or become such good friends with her.
IF IT WASN'T FOR coming to Laramie, and my parents, I never would have done InterVarsity.
Chinese.
IF IT WASN'T FOR taking Chinese, I would have never done the study abroad in Shanghai for one month.
IF IT WASN'T FOR the study abroad in China for one month, I never would have worked so hard to go back to China, and found my brother and I and a friend, Nathan, English teaching jobs there for the month of July, 2005.
IF IT WASN'T FOR the English teaching experience that month, I never would have considered teaching in Asia again.
And here we come full circle again.
IF IT WASN'T FOR my time in China, and Daisuke, I'd have never thought it likely, probable, etc, that I would ever ACTUALLY GO to Japan.
IF IT WASN'T FOR my time in China, AND in Japan, I'd have never become so curious about Korea and so tempted to go there and learn about it.
And THAT is how I got here. Of course, unfortunately, of ALL the people listed here, I only regularly keep in touch with Scott Phelan, and Jakeo (MSN). I've called Daisuke a few times, and YoungJin as well, but the rest of the people almost slipped out of my life completely. Too bad. If only they knew what a significant impact they've all had on my life. If only I could tell them.
And here are a few more unfortunates about the whole deal:
I studied Chinese for 3 years, but now don't live in China, and don't look like I will go back very soon, and so may not become fluent in Chinese as I'd hoped.
I lived in Japan, and LOVED it, and it had always been my dream to learn about Japan, to learn Japanese, and to LIVE in Japan for an extended period of time. And now, I'm not in Japan, so I may not become fluent in Japanese as I'd hoped (although I do plan to go back and live and teach there for some time after my contract in Korea expires late this August).
I now live in Korea, but I'm not impassioned much by it. I came here with the specific purpose in mind that I could learn about the country, and learn some of the language (before I got too old, or committed to a girl, or content in one country), and then return to Japan (or China), but I've only slowly learned. I learn some of the history, and some of the language, but slowly. It's not like I'm really trying to learn about it, it's just that I kind of ABSORB SOME knowledge about Korea just by being here. But there is so much more I could do.
Regardless of all this, it seems the next place I am likely to be will be Japan again, for at least one more year. I read something online about Japanese robots (from their early beginnings, hundreds of years ago, until now) and it impassioned me to want to study robots, and in a country that is so "robot centered" in some ways. Therefore, I do truly want to learn Japanese, and go to a graduate school in Japan to study robots someday.
This doesn't help my other goal, of becoming fluent in Chinese, Japanese, and Korean much for the simple fact that Japanese in this case takes number one priority (if I am to study robots in Japan), besides that, Japanese has always been my passion, and Japanese people I've met are among some of the BEST people I've EVER met.
Chinese, obviously takes second place for a few reasons: because I've already studied it for 3 years, I've been to China twice, China is growing huge and likely to be a huge power (therefore someone who speaks Chinese will be highly desired), and the Chinese characters facinate me and are the basis for Japanese kanji, and nearly 70% of the Korean language (words).
And therefore, Korean takes third place in this whole thing, regardless of the fact that I'm living here now. In America, I was taught so little about Korea, except that the Korean War HAPPENED, and in SOME cases Koreans don't seem to know how to make their history "touristy" and so impassion people to want to study it. And although Korea is home to some of the best GIRLS I've ever known, that's just it. It houses some of the best GIRLS I've ever known. At the end of the day, is THAT REALLY my motivation? The GIRLS? No wonder I'm ready for a break.
Korea seems to hold the least passion, and the least interest for me. Don't get me wrong, Korea is a BEAUTIFUL country, and I absolutely LOVE living here! I wouldn't trade what I've got, or the choice I've made in a second. All I'm saying is, I can't picture myself dying here. I can't see myself staying that long.
Korea's hold over me is, in all actuality, MONEY. You can SAVE so much more money in Korea than you can in any other Asian country as an English teacher (and that is one of the biggest things I talked with my parents about (one of their biggest worries) when I decided to come here (they felt much safer letting my go to Korea, a Christian country where I could make lots of money easily and live comfortably, rather than stay in Japan, a non-religious country that one of the most expensive in the world. But I've never been one to want to live comfortably. I've never been so driven by money. I don't mind smaller things, living with less, living simply. In fact, sometimes I CHOOSE that path).
Japan is too expensive, and the conversion rate of Chinese money to US Dollars is such that you don't really send home that much money (although you can live like a KING in China because things are so cheap, and by Chinese standards you do get paid alot). And since money has NEVER been my number one priority, you can see why Korea's hold is not nearly as strong as it could be.
If money is the only thing keeping me here, I'll never be surprised to have left. Money doesn't bring with it a passion for the country, the culture, or the people. Money is only that, money, it is a means to an end, giving a person the ability to provide for themselves and their families. But so often, men are greedy, and money seems like an end in itself, bringing instant happiness just with the acquisition of more wealth. I move around so much, and have given up so many things that I cannot just sit on a mountain of wealth and watch it build. More than likely, I'll do something drastic, and give it all away, or just leave it on a whim.
So, you see, Korea and it's money, though a good experience, haven't captured my heart. Even with the girls I know, even as I'm with them, or in my class, or with my friends, my mind wanders easily, because my heart already has.
Because it's never been about the money...or the girls...it was all about the experience, the wisdom to be gained, and though it's not quite over, I can see already that I won't be staying...
I can't say I didn't come to Korea because of some of the influence of my Korean friends. That had at least SOME to do with it, although I CAN say with confidence that one or more GIRLS alone did not convince me to come for the simple purpose of trying to find a romance (although, granted a FEW of my friends here are foxes and tons of fun to be with, I actually prefer Japanese style, culture, and women). But anyway,
IF IT WASN'T FOR YoungJin's phone call (over an hour) in Daisuke's house in Japan one day when I was alone, applying for jobs in Japan, I never would have even considered coming to Korea.
Break that down, YoungJin and Daisuke. Here my path diverges, we'll take Daisuke's route first.
IF IT WASN'T FOR Daisuke, I never would would have been in Japan in the first place. Thanks brother!
IF IT WASN'T FOR Daisuke's damn broken laptop, and Keisuke's suggestion to come see me to fix it one Sunday morning, I never would have met, or befriended Daisuke in the first place. (And actually, if it wasn't for my family's generousity to keep Dai with us for the entire Christmas break, his family may never have accepted me in their house in Japan. But that's a side note, that may or may not be the case).
IF IT WASN'T FOR Shinze, I'd have never known Keisuke.
IF IT WASN'T FOR Resnet, I'd have never fixed computers.
IF IT WASN'T FOR Scott Phelan, I'd have never known Shinze (Scott's roommate).
IF IT WASN'T FOR Eric Christensen, and InterVarsity, I'd have never known Scott.
IF IT WASN'T FOR my change of majors from Architecture to Computer Science, I'd have never done Resnet.
IF IT WASN'T FOR my parents, I'd have never considered IV in the first place.
IF IT WASN'T FOR my parents, (and a scholarship offer), I'd have never declared Architecture in the first place.
Now we'll take the YoungJin route.
IF IT WASN'T FOR Jakeo, Cory, and Heejei, HyeSeung, and JuHae (girls from the previous BIP Seoul Women's University program) I never would have met or befriended YoungJin in the first place.
Regent.
IF IT WASN'T FOR Regent, I never would have met any of these people, because Regent introduced me to all of them.
IF IT WASN'T FOR changing majors to Computer Science I never would have been required to take a foreign language.
IF IT WASN'T FOR my language requirement and Katrina Reed (partially, her interest in China made me stop to think about what I really wanted) I never would have taken Chinese (I had actually wanted to study Japanese for as long as I can remember, it's always been what I wanted, now I don't know why I didn't, or why I'm sitting in Korea. Although, it's been a good ride so far, I think at SOME POINT, I will HAVE TO go back to what I was originally passionate about. A man can only wander so far from his destiny after all, at some point he has to wander back. But I can't help but think that all my previous experiences have helped prepare me for what is yet to come. Without them, I don't think I would ever have actually realized my dream (as of yet still unrealized, although far closer to achieving through my blunders and apparent missteps and lack of planning, than if I'd sat down and planned every step along the way)).
Anyway, here we diverge again, but only briefly, we also come back full circle to aforementioned situations.
IF IT WASN'T FOR Evie Reed, I never would have met her sister (I'm also thankful for how generous their entire family was to me for a while, and they remain generous to my family out of memory of me, nice).
IF IT WASN'T FOR InterVarsity, Scott Phelan, Tony Archer, I never would have met Evie, or become such good friends with her.
IF IT WASN'T FOR coming to Laramie, and my parents, I never would have done InterVarsity.
Chinese.
IF IT WASN'T FOR taking Chinese, I would have never done the study abroad in Shanghai for one month.
IF IT WASN'T FOR the study abroad in China for one month, I never would have worked so hard to go back to China, and found my brother and I and a friend, Nathan, English teaching jobs there for the month of July, 2005.
IF IT WASN'T FOR the English teaching experience that month, I never would have considered teaching in Asia again.
And here we come full circle again.
IF IT WASN'T FOR my time in China, and Daisuke, I'd have never thought it likely, probable, etc, that I would ever ACTUALLY GO to Japan.
IF IT WASN'T FOR my time in China, AND in Japan, I'd have never become so curious about Korea and so tempted to go there and learn about it.
And THAT is how I got here. Of course, unfortunately, of ALL the people listed here, I only regularly keep in touch with Scott Phelan, and Jakeo (MSN). I've called Daisuke a few times, and YoungJin as well, but the rest of the people almost slipped out of my life completely. Too bad. If only they knew what a significant impact they've all had on my life. If only I could tell them.
And here are a few more unfortunates about the whole deal:
I studied Chinese for 3 years, but now don't live in China, and don't look like I will go back very soon, and so may not become fluent in Chinese as I'd hoped.
I lived in Japan, and LOVED it, and it had always been my dream to learn about Japan, to learn Japanese, and to LIVE in Japan for an extended period of time. And now, I'm not in Japan, so I may not become fluent in Japanese as I'd hoped (although I do plan to go back and live and teach there for some time after my contract in Korea expires late this August).
I now live in Korea, but I'm not impassioned much by it. I came here with the specific purpose in mind that I could learn about the country, and learn some of the language (before I got too old, or committed to a girl, or content in one country), and then return to Japan (or China), but I've only slowly learned. I learn some of the history, and some of the language, but slowly. It's not like I'm really trying to learn about it, it's just that I kind of ABSORB SOME knowledge about Korea just by being here. But there is so much more I could do.
Regardless of all this, it seems the next place I am likely to be will be Japan again, for at least one more year. I read something online about Japanese robots (from their early beginnings, hundreds of years ago, until now) and it impassioned me to want to study robots, and in a country that is so "robot centered" in some ways. Therefore, I do truly want to learn Japanese, and go to a graduate school in Japan to study robots someday.
This doesn't help my other goal, of becoming fluent in Chinese, Japanese, and Korean much for the simple fact that Japanese in this case takes number one priority (if I am to study robots in Japan), besides that, Japanese has always been my passion, and Japanese people I've met are among some of the BEST people I've EVER met.
Chinese, obviously takes second place for a few reasons: because I've already studied it for 3 years, I've been to China twice, China is growing huge and likely to be a huge power (therefore someone who speaks Chinese will be highly desired), and the Chinese characters facinate me and are the basis for Japanese kanji, and nearly 70% of the Korean language (words).
And therefore, Korean takes third place in this whole thing, regardless of the fact that I'm living here now. In America, I was taught so little about Korea, except that the Korean War HAPPENED, and in SOME cases Koreans don't seem to know how to make their history "touristy" and so impassion people to want to study it. And although Korea is home to some of the best GIRLS I've ever known, that's just it. It houses some of the best GIRLS I've ever known. At the end of the day, is THAT REALLY my motivation? The GIRLS? No wonder I'm ready for a break.
Korea seems to hold the least passion, and the least interest for me. Don't get me wrong, Korea is a BEAUTIFUL country, and I absolutely LOVE living here! I wouldn't trade what I've got, or the choice I've made in a second. All I'm saying is, I can't picture myself dying here. I can't see myself staying that long.
Korea's hold over me is, in all actuality, MONEY. You can SAVE so much more money in Korea than you can in any other Asian country as an English teacher (and that is one of the biggest things I talked with my parents about (one of their biggest worries) when I decided to come here (they felt much safer letting my go to Korea, a Christian country where I could make lots of money easily and live comfortably, rather than stay in Japan, a non-religious country that one of the most expensive in the world. But I've never been one to want to live comfortably. I've never been so driven by money. I don't mind smaller things, living with less, living simply. In fact, sometimes I CHOOSE that path).
Japan is too expensive, and the conversion rate of Chinese money to US Dollars is such that you don't really send home that much money (although you can live like a KING in China because things are so cheap, and by Chinese standards you do get paid alot). And since money has NEVER been my number one priority, you can see why Korea's hold is not nearly as strong as it could be.
If money is the only thing keeping me here, I'll never be surprised to have left. Money doesn't bring with it a passion for the country, the culture, or the people. Money is only that, money, it is a means to an end, giving a person the ability to provide for themselves and their families. But so often, men are greedy, and money seems like an end in itself, bringing instant happiness just with the acquisition of more wealth. I move around so much, and have given up so many things that I cannot just sit on a mountain of wealth and watch it build. More than likely, I'll do something drastic, and give it all away, or just leave it on a whim.
So, you see, Korea and it's money, though a good experience, haven't captured my heart. Even with the girls I know, even as I'm with them, or in my class, or with my friends, my mind wanders easily, because my heart already has.
Because it's never been about the money...or the girls...it was all about the experience, the wisdom to be gained, and though it's not quite over, I can see already that I won't be staying...
Jan 25, 2007
At the end...
At the end of your life, you never regret what you DID, you only regret what you had a chance to do and never tried. Well, unless you do something so incredibly stupid that you mess yourself or someone else up permanently.
I have to run tomorrow...well, at least wear my running shoes. After my last class on at my third kindergarten on Friday, I always start to walk back in the beautiful weather (which these days I don't seem to get enough sunlight anyway) and I always think "What a beautiful day..." I used to walk all the way home (maybe 3 km or more, well, it took 1.5 hours or more each time anyway, so probably farther than 3 km, it's also 4000 Won by taxi each time, so, I dunno) but since I started having to work in the afternoon, if I ever WALK all the way home, then I never have enough time for cooking myself lunch before I have to go right back to work. Plus running is easy, and I don't do it often enough. If I go at a slow enough pace, I'll get home with at least 1 hour left before work, and I won't injure myself or have any problems.
Well, I may ultimately decide NOT to run when I'm actually faced with the situation, but the last 3 or 4 weeks, I've had a really strong urge to do so, I've just always had on the wrong shoes. So, if nothing else, at least I'll wear the RIGHT shoes tomorrow...
As far as everything else is concerned...who knows?? I need to take some time to sit, and think and PLAN some things. This Saturday will be the first in a long time that I've not had ANYTHING to do, so I may take some advice and shut off my phone ALL DAY, and I may not talk to anyone for 24 hours to focus on my PLANS and PURPOSE.
Additionally, this is just something I was thinking recently. I'm an artist, and I shouldn't continue to put that aside. I also REALLY like drawing with marker, or big crayons, because with those things, you don't have to be precise, and you have to have a good idea in your mind before even beginning. You have to be able to take your mistakes and deal with them and change them on the fly, and you have to be able to be spontaneous in your art and drawing, planning some things, but just "BLINK" some other things, and you know instinctively if it will work or not and how to MAKE it work or not, whether to continue or end it. Additionally, anytime I draw in this fashion, I tend to bust something out in a quick period of time, and it usually looks really good.
Language is also kind of my thing, and though I'm also really skilled at English and learning other languages, and even marginally skilled at writing, I just can't get across certain FEELINGS (at least for myself) the same way as I can with some art. It's true what they say, that a picture is worth a thousand words. I should put my skills to good use, and rather than complicating things by WRITING so many words to plan things (although writing for release is rather nice) I should use my ART to make plans, to plan VISIONS. I will author and create VISIONS of the man I want to be, or the places I want to go, or the things I want to do with my ART. Then, I will truly have something to strive for.
And then, too, at the END OF ALL THINGS, I will have something to either look back on with fondness, or look back on with regret...
I have to run tomorrow...well, at least wear my running shoes. After my last class on at my third kindergarten on Friday, I always start to walk back in the beautiful weather (which these days I don't seem to get enough sunlight anyway) and I always think "What a beautiful day..." I used to walk all the way home (maybe 3 km or more, well, it took 1.5 hours or more each time anyway, so probably farther than 3 km, it's also 4000 Won by taxi each time, so, I dunno) but since I started having to work in the afternoon, if I ever WALK all the way home, then I never have enough time for cooking myself lunch before I have to go right back to work. Plus running is easy, and I don't do it often enough. If I go at a slow enough pace, I'll get home with at least 1 hour left before work, and I won't injure myself or have any problems.
Well, I may ultimately decide NOT to run when I'm actually faced with the situation, but the last 3 or 4 weeks, I've had a really strong urge to do so, I've just always had on the wrong shoes. So, if nothing else, at least I'll wear the RIGHT shoes tomorrow...
As far as everything else is concerned...who knows?? I need to take some time to sit, and think and PLAN some things. This Saturday will be the first in a long time that I've not had ANYTHING to do, so I may take some advice and shut off my phone ALL DAY, and I may not talk to anyone for 24 hours to focus on my PLANS and PURPOSE.
Additionally, this is just something I was thinking recently. I'm an artist, and I shouldn't continue to put that aside. I also REALLY like drawing with marker, or big crayons, because with those things, you don't have to be precise, and you have to have a good idea in your mind before even beginning. You have to be able to take your mistakes and deal with them and change them on the fly, and you have to be able to be spontaneous in your art and drawing, planning some things, but just "BLINK" some other things, and you know instinctively if it will work or not and how to MAKE it work or not, whether to continue or end it. Additionally, anytime I draw in this fashion, I tend to bust something out in a quick period of time, and it usually looks really good.
Language is also kind of my thing, and though I'm also really skilled at English and learning other languages, and even marginally skilled at writing, I just can't get across certain FEELINGS (at least for myself) the same way as I can with some art. It's true what they say, that a picture is worth a thousand words. I should put my skills to good use, and rather than complicating things by WRITING so many words to plan things (although writing for release is rather nice) I should use my ART to make plans, to plan VISIONS. I will author and create VISIONS of the man I want to be, or the places I want to go, or the things I want to do with my ART. Then, I will truly have something to strive for.
And then, too, at the END OF ALL THINGS, I will have something to either look back on with fondness, or look back on with regret...
Jan 24, 2007
You can't reach your objective without knowing your starting point...
This from a book I'm reading called "Instant Analysis" by David J. Lieberman, Ph.D. An excellent read...
Quote
...You can blame anyone that you want for your life up until now. But where you go from here, who you become, is totally up to you. You can only assign blame to those who are in a position of power. And for the rest of your life, the power is yours, and the responsibility that goes with it. You are now in control and responsible for your own life. Your destination, your destiny, is in your hands...
...You're going to make some changes and set new objectives to make it even more successful. The first thing you may want to do is to take inventory...The good and the bad...
...Acknowledging who and where you are, your strengths as well as your weaknessses, is the beginning of any growth process. You can't change what you refuse to acknowledge even exists...It's the strong who can acknowledge his or her own weaknesses...
...You can't get to point B-your objective-without knowing where you're starting from, point A...
...your physical, spiritual, and psychological starting point...
End Quote
1. The things I like most about myself are...
-my general optimism and friendliness to all those around me, even strangers
-my encouraging personality and comments that people have commented on more than once
-my artistic, especially creative abilities and skills, developed and undeveloped
-my creative, curious mind
-my curiousity that keeps me seeking answers, and reading lots, and striving for better things
-my life away from America, so that I can struggle, and find myself in a relatively "unhindered" environment (it's almost like a young boy's journey through the wilderness alone. If he survives and returns, he is a man, and all those around him know and acknowlege it)
-my health
-my constant striving (even minutely) to improve or learn new things
-my passion and skills, abilities with learning language
-my passion for other cultures, and desire to experience other cultures
2. The things I dislike about myself are...
-my extreme lack of purpose, motivation, vision, drive, whatever
-my apathy
-my laziness
-my tendency to come home from work and flip on the TV and just sit there
-my tendency to come home from work and NOT leave the house again until the next morning
-my tendency to always check on the Internet for any random thing at any random time (no discipline)
-my Internet searches
-my inability to control my students many times
-my inadequacy as an English teacher
-my apathy toward exercise, whether it be running, lifting, taekwondo, whatever
-my desire to stay in my house ALL THE TIME where it's "safe" instead of getting out with other people and doing things, or even out on my own at times
-my LACK OF FOCUS at all times, toward any subject
-my "who cares" attitude when it comes to girls
-my deception (I have no intention to stay in Korea)
-my seeming lack of care for others who are half a world away (I rarely call, email, chat with anyone from America, even my family, or my Japanese brother)
3. My fears are...
-that I will remain apathetic, visionless, purposeless, and my mind, soul, strength, etc will rot away
-that I will never get back to Japan
-that I will never become fluent in Japanese
-that I will never become fluent in Chinese
-that I will never even give Korean a decent chance
-that I will never go to Grad school
-that I will never study robotics in school, or ever become a roboticist
-that my friends in America will forget me, or refuse to acknowledge me
-that my Japanese brother hates me
-that I will forget all those who helped me and loved me before
-that I've already pushed some people who were very dear to me away permanently
-that if I make some terrible choices that I'll never be able to repair a damaged relationship
-that I'll stay in Korea because it's easy, or I'm too lazy to try and go to Japan, or any other reasons
-that if I do go to Japan, it will become the same story there (though I highly doubt it, I AM Japanese at heart, or so I've been told, hahaha)
-that I'll never become a decent English teacher, or be able to control my students, or be able to teach them with efficiency
-that I'll continue to just EXIST, and I won't strive for learning new language, or new skills, or exercise
4. My hopes and dreams are...
-to become fluent in Chinese, Japanese, and Korean (I guess I'll have to give it a chance sometime)
-to become a roboticist someday, and live and work in Japan
-to have homes (or at least to regularly travel) between America, Japan, China, and Korea for business, or simply pleasure
-to EVENTUALLY have a family, but actually, to marry a Japanese, Christian girl
-to be FIT, passionate about my life and purpose, and to learn new skills every day
-to write a novel ANIME STYLE (I've got some ideas)
-to develop my own comic book about my life and adventures
-to continue to develop my own website
-to program robots!!!
-to get a six-pack, and regain a love for running
-to be flexible, be able to do continuous push-ups, pull-ups, sit-ups
-to learn Tai-chi, Taekwondo (MAYBE, though I don't really have a passion for it)
-to learn breakdance, and be able to do at least a few moves, and walk on my hands, and do handstand push-ups at the minimum
-to do that thing Keisuke and Yuki can do (hold in an L, to a handstand)
1. Can I change these things?
-My dislikes about myself -> YES, ALL.
-My fears -> YES, ALL, except what other people may do in response to me
2. Can I respond differently to those things?
-What other people may do in response to me -> I CAN, it will take some thinking about HOW
************************************************************************************
Quote
...wake up your mental routine
...shake up your physical routine as well
Rearranging furniture often puts people in a better mood, because...
...changing your furniture temporarily jolts you out of your usual thought patterns...
...this is called a visual trigger...
...Interrupting ordinary patterns of behavior breaks the automation chain and allows for more rapid change in other areas of your life...
End Quote
Everyday pick one item from the following 5 things to SHAKE UP
1. Throughout the day, PAY ATTENTION to one aspect of your physical self.
2. Throughout the day, SLIGHTLY change one ORDINARY behavior.
3. SHAKE UP your environment at work/home. Move around or change things you see everyday.
4. OBSERVE how you do certain tasks, WITHOUT changing them.
5. DO what you don't usually do, and DON'T DO what you usually do. Take small actions that are inconsistent with your usual behaviors.
...this will give a heightened awareness of the unconscious patterns in your daily routine and forge a path toward change in all areas of your life.
************************************************************************************
Follow each step and read aloud #5 two times a day, until the behavior is modified (MORE ON THIS LATER, FOR NOW "JUMP START")
************************************************************************************
JUMP START
Quote
...You are going to do something that you would do only if you became fed up and were willing to do whatever it takes. That's the feeling you want to generate...
...What you do needs to be drastic in reason, not in action...
1. Every day for a week, wake up at 4:00am and stay up for five minutes while doing something toward achieving your objective.
2. Cancel a date with someone. Say that it's because you're working on your objective.
3. Unplug your phone for a day to work on your objective. Or leave a message on your answering machine and don't pick up the phone.
4. Don't speak to anyone for twenty-four hours. Spend that time thinking about your objective or visualizing your success.
...Or, in my case...
5. Go to a PC bang to do your work, instead of stay at home.
End Quote
That's all for now, about time for my dinner, but I feel a little more content with this progress than I did before. At least now I feel like I'm going somewhere, instead of just spinning my wheels in the mud...
Quote
...You can blame anyone that you want for your life up until now. But where you go from here, who you become, is totally up to you. You can only assign blame to those who are in a position of power. And for the rest of your life, the power is yours, and the responsibility that goes with it. You are now in control and responsible for your own life. Your destination, your destiny, is in your hands...
...You're going to make some changes and set new objectives to make it even more successful. The first thing you may want to do is to take inventory...The good and the bad...
...Acknowledging who and where you are, your strengths as well as your weaknessses, is the beginning of any growth process. You can't change what you refuse to acknowledge even exists...It's the strong who can acknowledge his or her own weaknesses...
...You can't get to point B-your objective-without knowing where you're starting from, point A...
...your physical, spiritual, and psychological starting point...
End Quote
1. The things I like most about myself are...
-my general optimism and friendliness to all those around me, even strangers
-my encouraging personality and comments that people have commented on more than once
-my artistic, especially creative abilities and skills, developed and undeveloped
-my creative, curious mind
-my curiousity that keeps me seeking answers, and reading lots, and striving for better things
-my life away from America, so that I can struggle, and find myself in a relatively "unhindered" environment (it's almost like a young boy's journey through the wilderness alone. If he survives and returns, he is a man, and all those around him know and acknowlege it)
-my health
-my constant striving (even minutely) to improve or learn new things
-my passion and skills, abilities with learning language
-my passion for other cultures, and desire to experience other cultures
2. The things I dislike about myself are...
-my extreme lack of purpose, motivation, vision, drive, whatever
-my apathy
-my laziness
-my tendency to come home from work and flip on the TV and just sit there
-my tendency to come home from work and NOT leave the house again until the next morning
-my tendency to always check on the Internet for any random thing at any random time (no discipline)
-my Internet searches
-my inability to control my students many times
-my inadequacy as an English teacher
-my apathy toward exercise, whether it be running, lifting, taekwondo, whatever
-my desire to stay in my house ALL THE TIME where it's "safe" instead of getting out with other people and doing things, or even out on my own at times
-my LACK OF FOCUS at all times, toward any subject
-my "who cares" attitude when it comes to girls
-my deception (I have no intention to stay in Korea)
-my seeming lack of care for others who are half a world away (I rarely call, email, chat with anyone from America, even my family, or my Japanese brother)
3. My fears are...
-that I will remain apathetic, visionless, purposeless, and my mind, soul, strength, etc will rot away
-that I will never get back to Japan
-that I will never become fluent in Japanese
-that I will never become fluent in Chinese
-that I will never even give Korean a decent chance
-that I will never go to Grad school
-that I will never study robotics in school, or ever become a roboticist
-that my friends in America will forget me, or refuse to acknowledge me
-that my Japanese brother hates me
-that I will forget all those who helped me and loved me before
-that I've already pushed some people who were very dear to me away permanently
-that if I make some terrible choices that I'll never be able to repair a damaged relationship
-that I'll stay in Korea because it's easy, or I'm too lazy to try and go to Japan, or any other reasons
-that if I do go to Japan, it will become the same story there (though I highly doubt it, I AM Japanese at heart, or so I've been told, hahaha)
-that I'll never become a decent English teacher, or be able to control my students, or be able to teach them with efficiency
-that I'll continue to just EXIST, and I won't strive for learning new language, or new skills, or exercise
4. My hopes and dreams are...
-to become fluent in Chinese, Japanese, and Korean (I guess I'll have to give it a chance sometime)
-to become a roboticist someday, and live and work in Japan
-to have homes (or at least to regularly travel) between America, Japan, China, and Korea for business, or simply pleasure
-to EVENTUALLY have a family, but actually, to marry a Japanese, Christian girl
-to be FIT, passionate about my life and purpose, and to learn new skills every day
-to write a novel ANIME STYLE (I've got some ideas)
-to develop my own comic book about my life and adventures
-to continue to develop my own website
-to program robots!!!
-to get a six-pack, and regain a love for running
-to be flexible, be able to do continuous push-ups, pull-ups, sit-ups
-to learn Tai-chi, Taekwondo (MAYBE, though I don't really have a passion for it)
-to learn breakdance, and be able to do at least a few moves, and walk on my hands, and do handstand push-ups at the minimum
-to do that thing Keisuke and Yuki can do (hold in an L, to a handstand)
1. Can I change these things?
-My dislikes about myself -> YES, ALL.
-My fears -> YES, ALL, except what other people may do in response to me
2. Can I respond differently to those things?
-What other people may do in response to me -> I CAN, it will take some thinking about HOW
************************************************************************************
Quote
...wake up your mental routine
...shake up your physical routine as well
Rearranging furniture often puts people in a better mood, because...
...changing your furniture temporarily jolts you out of your usual thought patterns...
...this is called a visual trigger...
...Interrupting ordinary patterns of behavior breaks the automation chain and allows for more rapid change in other areas of your life...
End Quote
Everyday pick one item from the following 5 things to SHAKE UP
1. Throughout the day, PAY ATTENTION to one aspect of your physical self.
2. Throughout the day, SLIGHTLY change one ORDINARY behavior.
3. SHAKE UP your environment at work/home. Move around or change things you see everyday.
4. OBSERVE how you do certain tasks, WITHOUT changing them.
5. DO what you don't usually do, and DON'T DO what you usually do. Take small actions that are inconsistent with your usual behaviors.
...this will give a heightened awareness of the unconscious patterns in your daily routine and forge a path toward change in all areas of your life.
************************************************************************************
Follow each step and read aloud #5 two times a day, until the behavior is modified (MORE ON THIS LATER, FOR NOW "JUMP START")
************************************************************************************
JUMP START
Quote
...You are going to do something that you would do only if you became fed up and were willing to do whatever it takes. That's the feeling you want to generate...
...What you do needs to be drastic in reason, not in action...
1. Every day for a week, wake up at 4:00am and stay up for five minutes while doing something toward achieving your objective.
2. Cancel a date with someone. Say that it's because you're working on your objective.
3. Unplug your phone for a day to work on your objective. Or leave a message on your answering machine and don't pick up the phone.
4. Don't speak to anyone for twenty-four hours. Spend that time thinking about your objective or visualizing your success.
...Or, in my case...
5. Go to a PC bang to do your work, instead of stay at home.
End Quote
That's all for now, about time for my dinner, but I feel a little more content with this progress than I did before. At least now I feel like I'm going somewhere, instead of just spinning my wheels in the mud...
Jan 23, 2007
A Caged Tiger...
I should be in a PC bang right now, not my own room. I can never concentrate in here. But I came back to my room after work. That seems to be the big problem. Once I come back to my room, I tend to want to stay in my room. Then, it's just harder for me to go out. If instead, I made it somehow harder for me to come back home, until much later, when I could be far more productive at home and less distracted, then things would be much better for me in general. But as it is right now, I finish work, and come home, and laze around, rarely wanting to even get out of the house to go get something for dinner. What's wrong with me? What is my age again? Am I 5 years old, so that I can't leave the safety of my own home? Is my neighborhood so small these days that I won't even walk down the street for some chicken for dinner? The WORLD was once my playground, and now I find myself trapped inside a mental cage I've created for myself. I'm just like a tiger behind a glass window with people staring in at it in a zoo. I can see the outside world, but I've long since stopped trying to go out in it. What's the point? I might as well just pace around, be bored, and lazy and get progressively stupider inside this little cage of my own making. I've got so many goals...or at least, had. But these days, the small enclosure I find myself in (my mental cage) stifles all my efforts. What's the point of seeking to achieve something so big? Why do I over complicate things? I should really be in a PC bang right now. More focus, more drive, less, distractions. In those ways, I can now see how a small cubicle would be a good way to get some work done. I'm constantly distracted by the things I see in my room, even just out of the corner of my eye. What's a room good for anyway? Sleeping? Sleeping only? Reading, sleeping, studying? Or only TV, and boredom and laziness? KILL YOUR TV!! That's what someone once said to me. I'm starting to think it wasn't such a bad idea...but then how can I kill EVERYTHING ELSE that's distracting as well? And how on earth am I to motivate myself to get out of bed in the morning? I have slept past my alarm, and through my first class at work more than a few times (this morning included). What's to prompt me to drag myself out of bed? And why do I always feel like I am literally DRAGGING myself out of bed? Can't I sometime just GET out of bed? Instead of DRAG myself out of bed? Where's my passion? Where's my purpose? Do I have too many? Is that why I can't find it? Is that why I can't focus? Too many passions, and things calling my attention to them? But how can I possibly focus on just one, or just two? Or am I overcomplicating things again? How can I simplify? But wait, my life's already simple isn't it? I'm just a tiger in a cage. Caged with my thoughts. And those are by no means simple...
Jan 22, 2007
April 2nd
What's the significance of April 2nd? Or anything else in my crazy dream I had last night? I have no idea. Anyway, here it all is, it was so real I could have sworn it was actually happening to me as I dreamt it:
I woke up or something, somehow ended up at home in Rock Springs. I know before this, I saw two of my Japanese friends who I've not spoken to in a loooong time. The first was Daisuke, who I can say is still my bro, although I'm not entirely sure where we stand with each other.
Considering the fact that his family took care of and provided for me for well over a month in Japan and made me feel like a part of their family, and that his family has done the same for others, but they all screwed them, I'm not entirely sure how I can NOT be one of those others,
that has screwed his family. I can honestly say that I'm not sure what is expected of me, or even
if anything is or ever was. Also, there was a time at Dai's home, toward the end of my time there
that I started to feel quite alone, and unwanted, and forsaken (not true in the least, merely
psychologically trying times), and I left his home feeling in many ways bad for the way I left. I
still feel some regret for the manner in which I left his home and his very generous parents, but
I'm not sure what to do about it, or how to proceed. I didn't call Dai, or talk to him for a long
time afterward, he probably felt that I'd forsaken him. And when I did call once from Nagoya it
was actually to get his girlfriend to help me with the next stage of my journey and not just to talk
to him, so I'm sure that didn't entirely smooth things over for me. Since then, I've called him in
America a few (maybe 3) times in my entire 6 months of being in Korea. However, I left Japan
for Korea and can't help but feel that that somehow reflected negatively on the time I spent in
Japan and at Daisuke's house .
Anyway, back to the dream. In my dream I meet up with Daisuke, and we are again in a similar situation to the one we had in Japan together, sleeping on the floor in some Japanese house and talking late into the night about this or that. I asked him when he was planning to come back to Japan, hoping it would be sometime in the summer. He confirmed my hopes and I asked him if I could visit him and his parents again in Tokushima for a while. He say "I don't think so." I said, "I don't mean to stay at your house, I'll get a hotel, don't worry about that, I wouldn't want to inconvenience you again. I just want to visit, to say 'Hi' and maybe have some dinner." He said, "I don't think it would be a good idea." And this is my own mental self reflecting back to the way I left Tokushima (I can say I was definitely experiencing some culture shock and home sickness at this point, and I left in a kind of desperate rush, or so it seemed at the time).
Anyway, analysis of this portion of the dream: I should probably call Dai. I've been meaning to for a long time, but I always end up nervous about how he might respond. I can honestly say that the worst thing that could happen would be something like in my dream, to lose a great friend. I remember when we used to talk about going into business in Japan together, starting an English company of some kind with an exchange of some kind between America and Japan. I still reflect on such talks and enjoy the memories, because they show a bonding that was meant to last much longer than simply my last year at college. I look forward to once again someday (hopefully) seeing Dai in a greater context (living in the same area, or at least country) and possibly working together, but who knows where anything will lead these days? I know I want to return to Japan, but for how long?
Anyway, dream message part two: I met up with Yoko Fujiwara, (who I've not seen or talked to in a very long time) and somehow, after talking to her for a while, it turned out that she had some kind of video tape from Yoshiko. So, we watched the video of Yoshiko (unclear of the context, or message) but it was obviously a personal message of some kind from Yoshiko who stood before a white background and addressed the camera as an old friend.
Analysis of this part: I've not seen Yoko in a long time, and I do still remember the time I spent at her home, her parents were also quite generous to me (as were all the parents, Yoshiko's, and Keisuke's when I stayed in Japan). And as for Yoshiko, she is working on finishing her graduating thesis on David Copperfield this week, and she sends me her work (in English) for proof-reading and editting. I had just finished talking to her about it last night before I had this dream. So, Dai, Yoko, and Yoshiko are all Japanese, and I stayed at their homes each for periods equally at least one week, and my time in Japan was most definitely the greatest traveling experience I've ever had. I'm looking forward to going back to Japan (Fukuoka) when I get a break, and I definitely NEED a break (I only got 3 days off for New Years and winter break). So, perhaps that is why I dreamt of my Japanese friends, and that brings me to part 3 of the dream.
As I said earlier, I woke up somehow in Rock Springs, with my parents. I was unsure of HOW I had arrived there, only that I was at home and relieved, at long last to have a bit of a break from work. After talking with my parents for a while, I was shocked to hear my mom say (when referring to my much needed break), "Well, it is nice that we'll have you home here until April 2nd..." After that, everything else just kind of fades away. April 2nd? That's 70 days away! How in the hell would I have EVER gotten that much time off from work? Then I started to wonder about my boss, and our relationship...Had I quit?
Anyway, analysis of part 3: Obviously, I need a break. And I need a change. Obviously.
As for the break and change, Chinese New Year is coming up on February 18 (and I get that Monday off) and I am planning to go to Fukuoka ALONE for 3 days or so, for a good trip and a time to recharge in Japan (even though my Japanese still sucks, hahaha).
And as for an even bigger change...I have always in every way intended to work in Korea for only one year. I knew it from the moment I accepted this job. Even finding girls to date, churches to go to, clubs to commit to, I know in the back of my mind that I'll only be here for 7 more months, and then I'll be leaving. I'm not here in Korea to make a career out of my English, at least not yet. There's more to see, and more to do, and I can't tie myself to a country that's in many ways like a bumbling adolescent, at least not yet. Maybe I'll come back some day, but when I'm forced to leave the country at the expiration of my visa, I have no intention to renew it. This in no way means that I'm intending to return to America anytime soon. I always told myself it would be a minimum of three years abroad or nothing. But, if I'm not careful, I suppose I will have to resign on in Korea if for no other reason than to avoid returning to America too soon. However, I did notice today at least ONE place in Japan that has posted a job opening for September 1, 2007. And my contract ends August 31, 2007. I think you know what this means...
But still...what's the significance of April 2nd? Why did my mom specifically name that date in my dream? Weird...
I woke up or something, somehow ended up at home in Rock Springs. I know before this, I saw two of my Japanese friends who I've not spoken to in a loooong time. The first was Daisuke, who I can say is still my bro, although I'm not entirely sure where we stand with each other.
Considering the fact that his family took care of and provided for me for well over a month in Japan and made me feel like a part of their family, and that his family has done the same for others, but they all screwed them, I'm not entirely sure how I can NOT be one of those others,
that has screwed his family. I can honestly say that I'm not sure what is expected of me, or even
if anything is or ever was. Also, there was a time at Dai's home, toward the end of my time there
that I started to feel quite alone, and unwanted, and forsaken (not true in the least, merely
psychologically trying times), and I left his home feeling in many ways bad for the way I left. I
still feel some regret for the manner in which I left his home and his very generous parents, but
I'm not sure what to do about it, or how to proceed. I didn't call Dai, or talk to him for a long
time afterward, he probably felt that I'd forsaken him. And when I did call once from Nagoya it
was actually to get his girlfriend to help me with the next stage of my journey and not just to talk
to him, so I'm sure that didn't entirely smooth things over for me. Since then, I've called him in
America a few (maybe 3) times in my entire 6 months of being in Korea. However, I left Japan
for Korea and can't help but feel that that somehow reflected negatively on the time I spent in
Japan and at Daisuke's house .
Anyway, back to the dream. In my dream I meet up with Daisuke, and we are again in a similar situation to the one we had in Japan together, sleeping on the floor in some Japanese house and talking late into the night about this or that. I asked him when he was planning to come back to Japan, hoping it would be sometime in the summer. He confirmed my hopes and I asked him if I could visit him and his parents again in Tokushima for a while. He say "I don't think so." I said, "I don't mean to stay at your house, I'll get a hotel, don't worry about that, I wouldn't want to inconvenience you again. I just want to visit, to say 'Hi' and maybe have some dinner." He said, "I don't think it would be a good idea." And this is my own mental self reflecting back to the way I left Tokushima (I can say I was definitely experiencing some culture shock and home sickness at this point, and I left in a kind of desperate rush, or so it seemed at the time).
Anyway, analysis of this portion of the dream: I should probably call Dai. I've been meaning to for a long time, but I always end up nervous about how he might respond. I can honestly say that the worst thing that could happen would be something like in my dream, to lose a great friend. I remember when we used to talk about going into business in Japan together, starting an English company of some kind with an exchange of some kind between America and Japan. I still reflect on such talks and enjoy the memories, because they show a bonding that was meant to last much longer than simply my last year at college. I look forward to once again someday (hopefully) seeing Dai in a greater context (living in the same area, or at least country) and possibly working together, but who knows where anything will lead these days? I know I want to return to Japan, but for how long?
Anyway, dream message part two: I met up with Yoko Fujiwara, (who I've not seen or talked to in a very long time) and somehow, after talking to her for a while, it turned out that she had some kind of video tape from Yoshiko. So, we watched the video of Yoshiko (unclear of the context, or message) but it was obviously a personal message of some kind from Yoshiko who stood before a white background and addressed the camera as an old friend.
Analysis of this part: I've not seen Yoko in a long time, and I do still remember the time I spent at her home, her parents were also quite generous to me (as were all the parents, Yoshiko's, and Keisuke's when I stayed in Japan). And as for Yoshiko, she is working on finishing her graduating thesis on David Copperfield this week, and she sends me her work (in English) for proof-reading and editting. I had just finished talking to her about it last night before I had this dream. So, Dai, Yoko, and Yoshiko are all Japanese, and I stayed at their homes each for periods equally at least one week, and my time in Japan was most definitely the greatest traveling experience I've ever had. I'm looking forward to going back to Japan (Fukuoka) when I get a break, and I definitely NEED a break (I only got 3 days off for New Years and winter break). So, perhaps that is why I dreamt of my Japanese friends, and that brings me to part 3 of the dream.
As I said earlier, I woke up somehow in Rock Springs, with my parents. I was unsure of HOW I had arrived there, only that I was at home and relieved, at long last to have a bit of a break from work. After talking with my parents for a while, I was shocked to hear my mom say (when referring to my much needed break), "Well, it is nice that we'll have you home here until April 2nd..." After that, everything else just kind of fades away. April 2nd? That's 70 days away! How in the hell would I have EVER gotten that much time off from work? Then I started to wonder about my boss, and our relationship...Had I quit?
Anyway, analysis of part 3: Obviously, I need a break. And I need a change. Obviously.
As for the break and change, Chinese New Year is coming up on February 18 (and I get that Monday off) and I am planning to go to Fukuoka ALONE for 3 days or so, for a good trip and a time to recharge in Japan (even though my Japanese still sucks, hahaha).
And as for an even bigger change...I have always in every way intended to work in Korea for only one year. I knew it from the moment I accepted this job. Even finding girls to date, churches to go to, clubs to commit to, I know in the back of my mind that I'll only be here for 7 more months, and then I'll be leaving. I'm not here in Korea to make a career out of my English, at least not yet. There's more to see, and more to do, and I can't tie myself to a country that's in many ways like a bumbling adolescent, at least not yet. Maybe I'll come back some day, but when I'm forced to leave the country at the expiration of my visa, I have no intention to renew it. This in no way means that I'm intending to return to America anytime soon. I always told myself it would be a minimum of three years abroad or nothing. But, if I'm not careful, I suppose I will have to resign on in Korea if for no other reason than to avoid returning to America too soon. However, I did notice today at least ONE place in Japan that has posted a job opening for September 1, 2007. And my contract ends August 31, 2007. I think you know what this means...
But still...what's the significance of April 2nd? Why did my mom specifically name that date in my dream? Weird...
Jan 21, 2007
Bored of Everything
Bored of Everything, by Ellegarden
Wake up, Stand up
I know but for what?
One thing I crave
weekends without computer games
Pull the trigger
and kill the zombies
Sorry, I'm done!
So many things i have let go,
No doubt i want to do something else!
i need to find something before im bored of everything!
So many things i left undone,
no doubt i want to be someone else!
I need to find something before i'm bored of everything!
before i'm bored of everything
Voicemail is full
i know she's calling at home
How much is my car
and how much is my gift
Pull the trigger
and kill the zombies
Sorry, I'm done!
So many things i have let go,
No doubt i want to do something else!
i need to find something before im bored of everything!
So many things i left undone,
no doubt i want to be someone else!
I need to find something before i'm bored of everything!
I still can't believe when you say its not true
i still can't believe when you say its not too late..
I still can't believe when you say its not real
i still can't believe when you say its not too late..
So many things i have let go,
No doubt i want to do something else!
i need to find something before im bored of everything!
So many things i let undone,
no doubt i want to be someone else!
I need to fimd something before i'm bored of everything!
Bored of Everything!
Wake up, Stand up
I know but for what?
One thing I crave
weekends without computer games
Pull the trigger
and kill the zombies
Sorry, I'm done!
So many things i have let go,
No doubt i want to do something else!
i need to find something before im bored of everything!
So many things i left undone,
no doubt i want to be someone else!
I need to find something before i'm bored of everything!
before i'm bored of everything
Voicemail is full
i know she's calling at home
How much is my car
and how much is my gift
Pull the trigger
and kill the zombies
Sorry, I'm done!
So many things i have let go,
No doubt i want to do something else!
i need to find something before im bored of everything!
So many things i left undone,
no doubt i want to be someone else!
I need to find something before i'm bored of everything!
I still can't believe when you say its not true
i still can't believe when you say its not too late..
I still can't believe when you say its not real
i still can't believe when you say its not too late..
So many things i have let go,
No doubt i want to do something else!
i need to find something before im bored of everything!
So many things i let undone,
no doubt i want to be someone else!
I need to fimd something before i'm bored of everything!
Bored of Everything!
Jan 18, 2007
Too Many Thoughts
I have too many thoughts these days...
Too many regrets...
I feel that my words are becoming just as jumbled as my thoughts...
I don't know what to write sometimes...
I don't know what to say...
I don't even know what I'm thinking half the time...
I have regrets, and I have goals...
But even those are getting jumbled together...
Apathy is overpowering...
Thoughts try to form, but apathy drowns them in a blanket of boredom...
Plans try to become established, but they can't even stand on the thoughts that formed them...
I'm on a one-way ticket to hell and back...
Some song lyrics...
One-way ticket to hell and back...
What is hell?...
How can I come back?...
I'll tell you what hell is...
Hell is apathy...
Lack of passion, lack of drive, lack of purpose...
Hell is coming home every night to a room that always needs a little cleaning and never gets it...
Hell is not knowing whether to drag your butt out of bed in the morning, or just lie in it...
Hell is arguing with yourself over whether or not to cook a meal, and then just deciding to skip it...
Hell is sitting...
Sitting and thinking...
Sitting, thinking, and arguing with yourself...
Arguing with yourself over whether or not this or that...
Whether or not this or that...
It doesn't matter what...
Clean your room...
Do the dishes...
Cook breakfast...
Exercise...
Take out the garbage...
Television is stifling...
My room is stifling...
Life is stifling...
Where is my real life?...
Where is my "snap!" and ACT?...
Perhaps it is my need for spontaneity that kills me most...
I could make a plan, I have before...
But I never stick to such things, because unconsciously, hell, consciously, I have a need for spontaneity...
I need to be able to see something important, and make a "snap!" judgement about it...
I need to be able to instantly weigh things in my mind and ACT without discussing with myself, without arguing with myself over anything...
It's when I think about things too long and hard that they become impossibilities...
It's when I give my mind time to undress the possibilities, that they become impossible...
If I had no time to think...
If there was only time to act...
If I could take into account all things in one glance and make the best possible assessment in an instant, and act on that assessment...
If I could only "Blink"...
"Blink"...
Just "Blink"...
Note to self...
Reread "Blink" book...
Too many regrets...
I feel that my words are becoming just as jumbled as my thoughts...
I don't know what to write sometimes...
I don't know what to say...
I don't even know what I'm thinking half the time...
I have regrets, and I have goals...
But even those are getting jumbled together...
Apathy is overpowering...
Thoughts try to form, but apathy drowns them in a blanket of boredom...
Plans try to become established, but they can't even stand on the thoughts that formed them...
I'm on a one-way ticket to hell and back...
Some song lyrics...
One-way ticket to hell and back...
What is hell?...
How can I come back?...
I'll tell you what hell is...
Hell is apathy...
Lack of passion, lack of drive, lack of purpose...
Hell is coming home every night to a room that always needs a little cleaning and never gets it...
Hell is not knowing whether to drag your butt out of bed in the morning, or just lie in it...
Hell is arguing with yourself over whether or not to cook a meal, and then just deciding to skip it...
Hell is sitting...
Sitting and thinking...
Sitting, thinking, and arguing with yourself...
Arguing with yourself over whether or not this or that...
Whether or not this or that...
It doesn't matter what...
Clean your room...
Do the dishes...
Cook breakfast...
Exercise...
Take out the garbage...
Television is stifling...
My room is stifling...
Life is stifling...
Where is my real life?...
Where is my "snap!" and ACT?...
Perhaps it is my need for spontaneity that kills me most...
I could make a plan, I have before...
But I never stick to such things, because unconsciously, hell, consciously, I have a need for spontaneity...
I need to be able to see something important, and make a "snap!" judgement about it...
I need to be able to instantly weigh things in my mind and ACT without discussing with myself, without arguing with myself over anything...
It's when I think about things too long and hard that they become impossibilities...
It's when I give my mind time to undress the possibilities, that they become impossible...
If I had no time to think...
If there was only time to act...
If I could take into account all things in one glance and make the best possible assessment in an instant, and act on that assessment...
If I could only "Blink"...
"Blink"...
Just "Blink"...
Note to self...
Reread "Blink" book...
A General Letter to the Board of Education
A General Letter to the Board of Education:
Dear Sirs,
I appreciate what you are trying to do...what you have been trying to do for quite some time...and that is to create a generation of, as you call it, "well-rounded students." I even support some of the areas that you emphasize, and I whole-heartedly agree that certain subjects, especially math, science, English, and history are necessary for a well-rounded student. However, I am afraid that we all may have overlooked the truth behind the term "well-rounded." I'm afraid that the term "well-rounded" has unfortunately been "rounded down" to include only education of the mind. Have we forgotten, or simply denied, that as human beings we are far more than just a mind. We are no more a walking computer than a computer is a living, breathing organism. I think it's time we stopped treating ourselves, and our children as if we were.
As human beings, there are at least a few pieces that we contain within ourselves, and inherently within humanity itself that the educational system, and parents, teachers, scholars, etc fail to remember, or simply overlook. We are equal parts mind and intellect, body, and spirit. I feel that it is time to recognize these addition parts of our own humanity, and begin to give them the respect, and attention they warrant. Why do we send our children to school for hours upon hours of book learning, and fail to see the importance of active learning, using our bodies, and even spiritual learning, religious training, and religious discipline? Is it any wonder these days that we have whole schools full of extremely intelligent students who can't seem to even find their way out of a paper bag, let alone hit or kick a ball, or make their way in society? I feel it is time that we stopped putting traditional educational book learning aside, and made way for a truly "well-rounded" educational system that includes 3 parts: intellect, body, and spirit. Otherwise, I'm afraid we are simply dooming ourselves and our children to a constant struggle to understand and learn to use the other two parts of our humanity that are so often overlooked.
As a wise man once said, "all the knowledge in the world counts for nothing if it cannot be translated into action." Nowhere is this more apparent than within our own societies, schools, businesses. Every one these days is knowledgable about a large number of things, not the least of which is diet, weight loss, and exercise, as well as sports rules, and games. However, who among these extremely "knowledgable" individuals can actually translate that "knowledge" into action? Look around us! Obesity is rampant, television, Internet, and video games dominate our time, and still apathy, boredom, and laziness pester us. In fact, I would dare say that such things are at an all time high. How can they not be? When we are content to watch a "digital projection of our mental selves" play out on a screen those things that we would very much like to learn to do ourselves, how can we not get bored with reality? And where is our discipline, our spirit, our passion, to get out and actually learn such things for ourselves? Oh, wait, that's right. We never developed our spirits, our passions, our discipline in school. And what of our natural energy, and drive, and stick-to-it-iveness that would come with exercising our bodies? What energy?
The television sucks all such energy from our systems. We become content to watch other people struggle with the very things we wish we could struggle with ourselves. And if we ever do break away from the television trance to attempt to tackle such obstacles ourselves, we have no idea where to start, because we've never practiced any skills in our own bodies. We've only attempted math problems, and written poetry, and looked up historical facts in encyclopedias for tests. Where does such book learning translate into real world knowledge? Much of this is quite good for discussion, philosophical and the like, but when can I learn to ACT? I know how to think, how to sneak by with the bare minimum requirements, I know how to cheat the system, I know how to listen to those in authority above me and do what they ask, what they require, and do it well. But when will I ever learn to think for myself, or act of my own accord? When will I learn to make plans and keep them? When will I learn to MOVE INSTINCTIVELY? When will the connection between my mind, my body, and my spirit move in connection with one another? When will I be whole? When will my knowledge translate into action? When will all my book learning be put to good use?
Sincerely sir,
Jekkilekki (once again, your unconscious)
Dear Sirs,
I appreciate what you are trying to do...what you have been trying to do for quite some time...and that is to create a generation of, as you call it, "well-rounded students." I even support some of the areas that you emphasize, and I whole-heartedly agree that certain subjects, especially math, science, English, and history are necessary for a well-rounded student. However, I am afraid that we all may have overlooked the truth behind the term "well-rounded." I'm afraid that the term "well-rounded" has unfortunately been "rounded down" to include only education of the mind. Have we forgotten, or simply denied, that as human beings we are far more than just a mind. We are no more a walking computer than a computer is a living, breathing organism. I think it's time we stopped treating ourselves, and our children as if we were.
As human beings, there are at least a few pieces that we contain within ourselves, and inherently within humanity itself that the educational system, and parents, teachers, scholars, etc fail to remember, or simply overlook. We are equal parts mind and intellect, body, and spirit. I feel that it is time to recognize these addition parts of our own humanity, and begin to give them the respect, and attention they warrant. Why do we send our children to school for hours upon hours of book learning, and fail to see the importance of active learning, using our bodies, and even spiritual learning, religious training, and religious discipline? Is it any wonder these days that we have whole schools full of extremely intelligent students who can't seem to even find their way out of a paper bag, let alone hit or kick a ball, or make their way in society? I feel it is time that we stopped putting traditional educational book learning aside, and made way for a truly "well-rounded" educational system that includes 3 parts: intellect, body, and spirit. Otherwise, I'm afraid we are simply dooming ourselves and our children to a constant struggle to understand and learn to use the other two parts of our humanity that are so often overlooked.
As a wise man once said, "all the knowledge in the world counts for nothing if it cannot be translated into action." Nowhere is this more apparent than within our own societies, schools, businesses. Every one these days is knowledgable about a large number of things, not the least of which is diet, weight loss, and exercise, as well as sports rules, and games. However, who among these extremely "knowledgable" individuals can actually translate that "knowledge" into action? Look around us! Obesity is rampant, television, Internet, and video games dominate our time, and still apathy, boredom, and laziness pester us. In fact, I would dare say that such things are at an all time high. How can they not be? When we are content to watch a "digital projection of our mental selves" play out on a screen those things that we would very much like to learn to do ourselves, how can we not get bored with reality? And where is our discipline, our spirit, our passion, to get out and actually learn such things for ourselves? Oh, wait, that's right. We never developed our spirits, our passions, our discipline in school. And what of our natural energy, and drive, and stick-to-it-iveness that would come with exercising our bodies? What energy?
The television sucks all such energy from our systems. We become content to watch other people struggle with the very things we wish we could struggle with ourselves. And if we ever do break away from the television trance to attempt to tackle such obstacles ourselves, we have no idea where to start, because we've never practiced any skills in our own bodies. We've only attempted math problems, and written poetry, and looked up historical facts in encyclopedias for tests. Where does such book learning translate into real world knowledge? Much of this is quite good for discussion, philosophical and the like, but when can I learn to ACT? I know how to think, how to sneak by with the bare minimum requirements, I know how to cheat the system, I know how to listen to those in authority above me and do what they ask, what they require, and do it well. But when will I ever learn to think for myself, or act of my own accord? When will I learn to make plans and keep them? When will I learn to MOVE INSTINCTIVELY? When will the connection between my mind, my body, and my spirit move in connection with one another? When will I be whole? When will my knowledge translate into action? When will all my book learning be put to good use?
Sincerely sir,
Jekkilekki (once again, your unconscious)
Jan 17, 2007
My apathy is killing me!
My apathy is killing me! I sit now in a PC bang in South Korea typing this, as just simply going back to my home would only sink me further in my own slouch of boredom and apathy. With some good tunes, in a decently lit, set up PC room, away from my TV, or my bed, or my books, or just my FLOOR, I find it much easier to focus on a particular task. Even though the Internet itself is one of the most time-consuming, and useless things I do in my own room on any given day, just the opportunity to be OUT of my own room keeps me more focused on the things I really want to do on the Internet. To stay in my own room is to invite the PIRATES of progress.
I had such lofty goals for a while. But by staying in my own room where things inevitably get messy, and goals, tasks, and whatever else pile up, I find that I have more trouble just trying to keep up with those tasks that "pile up" that I have no time to actually pursue any goals I may have had. Of course, now that I'm away from that, I have more ability, perhaps not ability per se, but focus, to do, to plan, to achieve. I do believe that I will have to begin bringing my study materials to the PC bang for the online class I'm taking. Otherwise, I think I shall never finish it.
As far as goals are concerned, I've not had much time to look back on 2006, and forward on 2007 to set other goals since a friend of mine came and visited me for 2 weeks in Korea. During that time, we traveled quite a bit in the country, around Jeonju, Busan, Daejeon, and Seoul, and hiked 2 different mountain fortresses. But now that I've got a little extra time in the evenings, I find that I still can't quite bring myself to get anything done IN my room. I haven't even finished cleaning from when I rearranged everything earlier last week.
Anyway, as far as 2006 is concerned, it was a great year. Some of the biggest highlights were:
0. Finally graduated University, after 6 years, and an ALMOST non-passing grade in a class I've already taken.
1. Traveled abroad to Japan and South Korea
2. Learned 3 new alphabets, Katakana, Hiragana, and the Korean script, Hangul
3. Learned "survival Japanese" and "survival Korean" so that I could fairly easily travel the countries, order food, etc, etc.
4. Learned that what they say "just be yourself" really works, and found it surprisingly easy to get dates once I really started doing that.
5. Started learned boxing, and healthy dieting, lost 20 pounds in 2 weeks (of course since have gained it back, unfortunately)
And as far as even farther past is concerned, I was thinking today of the times in my life that I was the happiest, healthiest, and most content. These include:
1. When I really PUSH myself toward something, and am able to stay focused, such as:
1. Cross country training (with a team, I loved training, the running was nice, but the TEAM is what I loved)
2. IVCF Band member, and Bible study leader (back in the day when I was playing trumpet in the band, and leading a study I really felt connected with people, and the supernatural)
3. Boxing training (eating right, 6 small meals a day, working up a sweat every night, amazing)
4. Studying Chinese, or even my brief stint with Japanese (when I push myself to learn language, even slowly, and am able to use the new language more and more on a daily basis, it drives me crazy. I love to watch and listen to things in the new language and pick up more and more words all the time. Unfortunately, I've not given Korean enough of a chance yet, although the travel to Busan and Seoul with Thomas by ourselves really helped me with the alphabet more than I expected. I've ALMOST got the spark for Korean now, but not quite. Of course I still love Chinese and Japanese, and REALLY MISS the Chinese characters (Kanji, Hanja). It's just even harder to try to divide my attention between three languages at one time)
5. My Fiction Writing class last semester at school (I wrote some SUPER things for that class! Things that I'd love to go back and rewrite, or expand on! I just have no GOALS, no DEADLINES, and no one PUSHING me except myself)
6. Currently, I read alot (this isn't so much a past thing, but something that I'm really enjoying now. I had forgotten my love of reading, and it's nice to rediscover it. Unfortunately, I just don't have the time for all these things at once)
7. When I made JUST AN AVERAGE DAY (Procrastinator Pictures first feature length production. It was great to know in my mind exactly what I wanted/needed, and be able to do it, and put it together like I wanted. Honestly, if it wasn't for the other people in that production, the whole movie may never have been finished. THEY were the ones who pushed me for a premiere date. So then I HAD to finish editting the movie. I tend to start something full force, full swing, with lots of enthusiasm, but somehow, over time (a relatively short time usually) I lose the motivation, and quite often never even finish what I had such a passion for at first. How can I MAINTAIN focus and passion? Am I ADD? ADHD? Caffeine does sometimes seem to put me to sleep....)
Looking forward to the future, 2007, now, and some of my goals remain (actually most), such as learning Japanese, Korean, and Chinese (I eventually want to be fluent in all three), as well as going to the gym and working out, possibly Taekwondo, fiction writing, trumpet playing (if I ever buy a trumpet here), learning guitar, and of course ROBOTICS...
I would have to say that the BIGGEST goals in my life at this point, that I've been thinking about for some time now would be:
1. To be a roboticist someday, somewhere
2. To become fluent in Japanese, Korean, and Chinese, and live in one of those countries, and travel between all three countries in order to keep up with the languages
I just don't know HOW to set realistic goals for myself (most goals I set end up being TOO lofty, TOO enthusiastic, and I quickly lose steam to meet those goals), and I don't know how to make myself a PLAN that I actually STICK to. If other people (friends, professors, coaches) are PUSHING me to do something, to meet some goal, I ALWAYS make it. But when it's ONLY me pushing me, I have a hard time accomplishing anything. I can't push myself nearly as hard as others push me, or seem to push me.
So, for now, I'm leaving 2007 open, as I give things more time, and thought, and hopefully, when I return home here fairly shortly my motivation will not completely die. I expect to leave shortly, because a few Korean guys seem to want to use my computer so that they can all sit near each other to play some game. Well, at least the one guy standing over my shoulder talking to his two buddies on either side of me gives me that impression. Not one to be too intimidated by such things, it's still much harder to concentrate on my own thoughts when someone else is speaking. And I should wrap this up. I've not journaled since Japan though. Almost 6 months ago, so I'm FULL of words, thoughts, things, that need to be said and written.
One thing I'd seriously considered doing was taking one full day off every month (some Saturday) and going back up to Namgosa fortress above Jeonju for a hike and some time AWAY from the city. Anyway....
I had such lofty goals for a while. But by staying in my own room where things inevitably get messy, and goals, tasks, and whatever else pile up, I find that I have more trouble just trying to keep up with those tasks that "pile up" that I have no time to actually pursue any goals I may have had. Of course, now that I'm away from that, I have more ability, perhaps not ability per se, but focus, to do, to plan, to achieve. I do believe that I will have to begin bringing my study materials to the PC bang for the online class I'm taking. Otherwise, I think I shall never finish it.
As far as goals are concerned, I've not had much time to look back on 2006, and forward on 2007 to set other goals since a friend of mine came and visited me for 2 weeks in Korea. During that time, we traveled quite a bit in the country, around Jeonju, Busan, Daejeon, and Seoul, and hiked 2 different mountain fortresses. But now that I've got a little extra time in the evenings, I find that I still can't quite bring myself to get anything done IN my room. I haven't even finished cleaning from when I rearranged everything earlier last week.
Anyway, as far as 2006 is concerned, it was a great year. Some of the biggest highlights were:
0. Finally graduated University, after 6 years, and an ALMOST non-passing grade in a class I've already taken.
1. Traveled abroad to Japan and South Korea
2. Learned 3 new alphabets, Katakana, Hiragana, and the Korean script, Hangul
3. Learned "survival Japanese" and "survival Korean" so that I could fairly easily travel the countries, order food, etc, etc.
4. Learned that what they say "just be yourself" really works, and found it surprisingly easy to get dates once I really started doing that.
5. Started learned boxing, and healthy dieting, lost 20 pounds in 2 weeks (of course since have gained it back, unfortunately)
And as far as even farther past is concerned, I was thinking today of the times in my life that I was the happiest, healthiest, and most content. These include:
1. When I really PUSH myself toward something, and am able to stay focused, such as:
1. Cross country training (with a team, I loved training, the running was nice, but the TEAM is what I loved)
2. IVCF Band member, and Bible study leader (back in the day when I was playing trumpet in the band, and leading a study I really felt connected with people, and the supernatural)
3. Boxing training (eating right, 6 small meals a day, working up a sweat every night, amazing)
4. Studying Chinese, or even my brief stint with Japanese (when I push myself to learn language, even slowly, and am able to use the new language more and more on a daily basis, it drives me crazy. I love to watch and listen to things in the new language and pick up more and more words all the time. Unfortunately, I've not given Korean enough of a chance yet, although the travel to Busan and Seoul with Thomas by ourselves really helped me with the alphabet more than I expected. I've ALMOST got the spark for Korean now, but not quite. Of course I still love Chinese and Japanese, and REALLY MISS the Chinese characters (Kanji, Hanja). It's just even harder to try to divide my attention between three languages at one time)
5. My Fiction Writing class last semester at school (I wrote some SUPER things for that class! Things that I'd love to go back and rewrite, or expand on! I just have no GOALS, no DEADLINES, and no one PUSHING me except myself)
6. Currently, I read alot (this isn't so much a past thing, but something that I'm really enjoying now. I had forgotten my love of reading, and it's nice to rediscover it. Unfortunately, I just don't have the time for all these things at once)
7. When I made JUST AN AVERAGE DAY (Procrastinator Pictures first feature length production. It was great to know in my mind exactly what I wanted/needed, and be able to do it, and put it together like I wanted. Honestly, if it wasn't for the other people in that production, the whole movie may never have been finished. THEY were the ones who pushed me for a premiere date. So then I HAD to finish editting the movie. I tend to start something full force, full swing, with lots of enthusiasm, but somehow, over time (a relatively short time usually) I lose the motivation, and quite often never even finish what I had such a passion for at first. How can I MAINTAIN focus and passion? Am I ADD? ADHD? Caffeine does sometimes seem to put me to sleep....)
Looking forward to the future, 2007, now, and some of my goals remain (actually most), such as learning Japanese, Korean, and Chinese (I eventually want to be fluent in all three), as well as going to the gym and working out, possibly Taekwondo, fiction writing, trumpet playing (if I ever buy a trumpet here), learning guitar, and of course ROBOTICS...
I would have to say that the BIGGEST goals in my life at this point, that I've been thinking about for some time now would be:
1. To be a roboticist someday, somewhere
2. To become fluent in Japanese, Korean, and Chinese, and live in one of those countries, and travel between all three countries in order to keep up with the languages
I just don't know HOW to set realistic goals for myself (most goals I set end up being TOO lofty, TOO enthusiastic, and I quickly lose steam to meet those goals), and I don't know how to make myself a PLAN that I actually STICK to. If other people (friends, professors, coaches) are PUSHING me to do something, to meet some goal, I ALWAYS make it. But when it's ONLY me pushing me, I have a hard time accomplishing anything. I can't push myself nearly as hard as others push me, or seem to push me.
So, for now, I'm leaving 2007 open, as I give things more time, and thought, and hopefully, when I return home here fairly shortly my motivation will not completely die. I expect to leave shortly, because a few Korean guys seem to want to use my computer so that they can all sit near each other to play some game. Well, at least the one guy standing over my shoulder talking to his two buddies on either side of me gives me that impression. Not one to be too intimidated by such things, it's still much harder to concentrate on my own thoughts when someone else is speaking. And I should wrap this up. I've not journaled since Japan though. Almost 6 months ago, so I'm FULL of words, thoughts, things, that need to be said and written.
One thing I'd seriously considered doing was taking one full day off every month (some Saturday) and going back up to Namgosa fortress above Jeonju for a hike and some time AWAY from the city. Anyway....
Jan 16, 2007
I've got pirates!: A Letter
This is so much more interesting to read if you use a crappy pirate accent (just like I did when I taught English class this afternoon! Woohoo!)
A Letter to the Master
on behalf of the oppressed people of THOUGHT
within the land of THE MIND
I've got pirates! Bloody pirates! Pirates could happen to anyone... They set sail in their tall ships with their white sails, and arsenal of friendly flags to catch any number of unsuspecting merchant vessels off guard, whence hoist their black flag, loot, pillage, burn and plunder, and act in a generally unsavory manner until nary a soul remains standing in opposition to their takeover.
Given enough time, and enough takeovers, the remaining few merchant ships quickly lose heart and turn tail when any other ship approaches. The father country of the merchant ships loses heart just as quickly. The economy suffers, due to lack of international trade, or even its own fishing ability. Would-be merchants, students who study in university and whatnot, give up their high hopes to be traders and fall away from their studies into lives of gambling, drug addiction, prostitution, and many become pirates themselves. Who can deny that piracy is a life of fortune?
Praying on the weaker, smaller ships, bloodthirsty pirates seem to spring up from the depths of Davey Jone's Locker, and before anyone is quite aware of what is happening, a new government firmly establishes itself on the yet-existing old. It is a government of fear, and it rules not so much by threatening the common existence of the general population, but simply by keeping them caged.
The pirates no longer bother to conceal their black flags behind the flags of friendlies. Friendlies have long since left these waters. The Pirate Alliance has been formed, and the black ships surround every port city of the country, with Jolly Rogers waving triumphantly in the sky.
We can't build a navy to attack the pirates. They destroy any new ships we try to build, and have even gone so far as to poison the water and contaminate the foods down at the docks. The citizens have begun to move farther inland and develop small pockets of resistance against the pirate scourge, but even that has proven to be worthless. A string of pirate executions of the leaders of the resistances has taken place over the last few weeks and months as the other citizens, afraid of what the pirates may or may not do to them, turned them in.
The citizens themselves have begun to question the need to rid our land of the pirates as well. The pirates aren't necessarily barbarians, except in the fact that they crush all resistance against them, and they prevent cross-country relationships and trade. Of course, the pirates can't cut off all sources of information from the outside world, that would be preposterous. But what little information does leak through the pirate blockade in no way helps our situation. The citizens have begun to grow so accustomed to the mundanity, that they are becoming apathetic in all other areas.
What we so desperately need at this time is a hero to stand up and give meaning to our people once again. Or at least some loud thunderclap of awakening within the citizens of this country as to enable them to once again stand on their own two feet in defiance of the pirate empire, and reclaim some of that lost meaning for themselves. I'm afraid without one of these two things, the people of this land will only grow more apathetic, making smaller, and fewer stands against the pirates, as more and more of the citizens join their cause, until at last, either the land is lost, or destroyed through negligence.
I for one have no answers, but I know that something must be done. It is as imperative for this generation, as for all future generations. If the pirates are not struck a heavy blow shortly, they will only grow more bold, until they invade the land as well as the water.
On behalf of the the great name of this land,
yours truly,
ex-Pirate,
Jekkilekki
(Now, in case you have NO idea. Pirates are rogue thoughts, or bad habits (Internet, TV) within my mind that have essentially taken over (i.e. what do I do as soon as work ends? TV/Internet). My subconscious (Jekkilekki) can remember a time of prosperity (good habits, achieving goals, etc) but the citizens (thoughts) of my country (mind) are becoming far more apathetic, and although they too can remember the good times, there is no drive, no passion, for ANYTHING at this time. They seem far more content to gain info from the outside world and just roll over and die with it and give in to the pirates (Internet, TV, habits), than to actually act on any new knowledge (resist the pirates) and interact on the global market (get off your butt and DO something!))
A Letter to the Master
on behalf of the oppressed people of THOUGHT
within the land of THE MIND
I've got pirates! Bloody pirates! Pirates could happen to anyone... They set sail in their tall ships with their white sails, and arsenal of friendly flags to catch any number of unsuspecting merchant vessels off guard, whence hoist their black flag, loot, pillage, burn and plunder, and act in a generally unsavory manner until nary a soul remains standing in opposition to their takeover.
Given enough time, and enough takeovers, the remaining few merchant ships quickly lose heart and turn tail when any other ship approaches. The father country of the merchant ships loses heart just as quickly. The economy suffers, due to lack of international trade, or even its own fishing ability. Would-be merchants, students who study in university and whatnot, give up their high hopes to be traders and fall away from their studies into lives of gambling, drug addiction, prostitution, and many become pirates themselves. Who can deny that piracy is a life of fortune?
Praying on the weaker, smaller ships, bloodthirsty pirates seem to spring up from the depths of Davey Jone's Locker, and before anyone is quite aware of what is happening, a new government firmly establishes itself on the yet-existing old. It is a government of fear, and it rules not so much by threatening the common existence of the general population, but simply by keeping them caged.
The pirates no longer bother to conceal their black flags behind the flags of friendlies. Friendlies have long since left these waters. The Pirate Alliance has been formed, and the black ships surround every port city of the country, with Jolly Rogers waving triumphantly in the sky.
We can't build a navy to attack the pirates. They destroy any new ships we try to build, and have even gone so far as to poison the water and contaminate the foods down at the docks. The citizens have begun to move farther inland and develop small pockets of resistance against the pirate scourge, but even that has proven to be worthless. A string of pirate executions of the leaders of the resistances has taken place over the last few weeks and months as the other citizens, afraid of what the pirates may or may not do to them, turned them in.
The citizens themselves have begun to question the need to rid our land of the pirates as well. The pirates aren't necessarily barbarians, except in the fact that they crush all resistance against them, and they prevent cross-country relationships and trade. Of course, the pirates can't cut off all sources of information from the outside world, that would be preposterous. But what little information does leak through the pirate blockade in no way helps our situation. The citizens have begun to grow so accustomed to the mundanity, that they are becoming apathetic in all other areas.
What we so desperately need at this time is a hero to stand up and give meaning to our people once again. Or at least some loud thunderclap of awakening within the citizens of this country as to enable them to once again stand on their own two feet in defiance of the pirate empire, and reclaim some of that lost meaning for themselves. I'm afraid without one of these two things, the people of this land will only grow more apathetic, making smaller, and fewer stands against the pirates, as more and more of the citizens join their cause, until at last, either the land is lost, or destroyed through negligence.
I for one have no answers, but I know that something must be done. It is as imperative for this generation, as for all future generations. If the pirates are not struck a heavy blow shortly, they will only grow more bold, until they invade the land as well as the water.
On behalf of the the great name of this land,
yours truly,
ex-Pirate,
Jekkilekki
(Now, in case you have NO idea. Pirates are rogue thoughts, or bad habits (Internet, TV) within my mind that have essentially taken over (i.e. what do I do as soon as work ends? TV/Internet). My subconscious (Jekkilekki) can remember a time of prosperity (good habits, achieving goals, etc) but the citizens (thoughts) of my country (mind) are becoming far more apathetic, and although they too can remember the good times, there is no drive, no passion, for ANYTHING at this time. They seem far more content to gain info from the outside world and just roll over and die with it and give in to the pirates (Internet, TV, habits), than to actually act on any new knowledge (resist the pirates) and interact on the global market (get off your butt and DO something!))
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