My apathy is killing me!

My apathy is killing me! I sit now in a PC bang in South Korea typing this, as just simply going back to my home would only sink me further in my own slouch of boredom and apathy. With some good tunes, in a decently lit, set up PC room, away from my TV, or my bed, or my books, or just my FLOOR, I find it much easier to focus on a particular task. Even though the Internet itself is one of the most time-consuming, and useless things I do in my own room on any given day, just the opportunity to be OUT of my own room keeps me more focused on the things I really want to do on the Internet. To stay in my own room is to invite the PIRATES of progress.

I had such lofty goals for a while. But by staying in my own room where things inevitably get messy, and goals, tasks, and whatever else pile up, I find that I have more trouble just trying to keep up with those tasks that "pile up" that I have no time to actually pursue any goals I may have had. Of course, now that I'm away from that, I have more ability, perhaps not ability per se, but focus, to do, to plan, to achieve. I do believe that I will have to begin bringing my study materials to the PC bang for the online class I'm taking. Otherwise, I think I shall never finish it.

As far as goals are concerned, I've not had much time to look back on 2006, and forward on 2007 to set other goals since a friend of mine came and visited me for 2 weeks in Korea. During that time, we traveled quite a bit in the country, around Jeonju, Busan, Daejeon, and Seoul, and hiked 2 different mountain fortresses. But now that I've got a little extra time in the evenings, I find that I still can't quite bring myself to get anything done IN my room. I haven't even finished cleaning from when I rearranged everything earlier last week.

Anyway, as far as 2006 is concerned, it was a great year. Some of the biggest highlights were:
0. Finally graduated University, after 6 years, and an ALMOST non-passing grade in a class I've already taken.
1. Traveled abroad to Japan and South Korea
2. Learned 3 new alphabets, Katakana, Hiragana, and the Korean script, Hangul
3. Learned "survival Japanese" and "survival Korean" so that I could fairly easily travel the countries, order food, etc, etc.
4. Learned that what they say "just be yourself" really works, and found it surprisingly easy to get dates once I really started doing that.
5. Started learned boxing, and healthy dieting, lost 20 pounds in 2 weeks (of course since have gained it back, unfortunately)

And as far as even farther past is concerned, I was thinking today of the times in my life that I was the happiest, healthiest, and most content. These include:
1. When I really PUSH myself toward something, and am able to stay focused, such as:
1. Cross country training (with a team, I loved training, the running was nice, but the TEAM is what I loved)
2. IVCF Band member, and Bible study leader (back in the day when I was playing trumpet in the band, and leading a study I really felt connected with people, and the supernatural)
3. Boxing training (eating right, 6 small meals a day, working up a sweat every night, amazing)
4. Studying Chinese, or even my brief stint with Japanese (when I push myself to learn language, even slowly, and am able to use the new language more and more on a daily basis, it drives me crazy. I love to watch and listen to things in the new language and pick up more and more words all the time. Unfortunately, I've not given Korean enough of a chance yet, although the travel to Busan and Seoul with Thomas by ourselves really helped me with the alphabet more than I expected. I've ALMOST got the spark for Korean now, but not quite. Of course I still love Chinese and Japanese, and REALLY MISS the Chinese characters (Kanji, Hanja). It's just even harder to try to divide my attention between three languages at one time)
5. My Fiction Writing class last semester at school (I wrote some SUPER things for that class! Things that I'd love to go back and rewrite, or expand on! I just have no GOALS, no DEADLINES, and no one PUSHING me except myself)
6. Currently, I read alot (this isn't so much a past thing, but something that I'm really enjoying now. I had forgotten my love of reading, and it's nice to rediscover it. Unfortunately, I just don't have the time for all these things at once)
7. When I made JUST AN AVERAGE DAY (Procrastinator Pictures first feature length production. It was great to know in my mind exactly what I wanted/needed, and be able to do it, and put it together like I wanted. Honestly, if it wasn't for the other people in that production, the whole movie may never have been finished. THEY were the ones who pushed me for a premiere date. So then I HAD to finish editting the movie. I tend to start something full force, full swing, with lots of enthusiasm, but somehow, over time (a relatively short time usually) I lose the motivation, and quite often never even finish what I had such a passion for at first. How can I MAINTAIN focus and passion? Am I ADD? ADHD? Caffeine does sometimes seem to put me to sleep....)

Looking forward to the future, 2007, now, and some of my goals remain (actually most), such as learning Japanese, Korean, and Chinese (I eventually want to be fluent in all three), as well as going to the gym and working out, possibly Taekwondo, fiction writing, trumpet playing (if I ever buy a trumpet here), learning guitar, and of course ROBOTICS...

I would have to say that the BIGGEST goals in my life at this point, that I've been thinking about for some time now would be:
1. To be a roboticist someday, somewhere
2. To become fluent in Japanese, Korean, and Chinese, and live in one of those countries, and travel between all three countries in order to keep up with the languages

I just don't know HOW to set realistic goals for myself (most goals I set end up being TOO lofty, TOO enthusiastic, and I quickly lose steam to meet those goals), and I don't know how to make myself a PLAN that I actually STICK to. If other people (friends, professors, coaches) are PUSHING me to do something, to meet some goal, I ALWAYS make it. But when it's ONLY me pushing me, I have a hard time accomplishing anything. I can't push myself nearly as hard as others push me, or seem to push me.

So, for now, I'm leaving 2007 open, as I give things more time, and thought, and hopefully, when I return home here fairly shortly my motivation will not completely die. I expect to leave shortly, because a few Korean guys seem to want to use my computer so that they can all sit near each other to play some game. Well, at least the one guy standing over my shoulder talking to his two buddies on either side of me gives me that impression. Not one to be too intimidated by such things, it's still much harder to concentrate on my own thoughts when someone else is speaking. And I should wrap this up. I've not journaled since Japan though. Almost 6 months ago, so I'm FULL of words, thoughts, things, that need to be said and written.

One thing I'd seriously considered doing was taking one full day off every month (some Saturday) and going back up to Namgosa fortress above Jeonju for a hike and some time AWAY from the city. Anyway....